reflections

i'm ready to move into the new year, slowly but still moving forward. leaving 2012 in my memory is the best thing for me, js and pbs. i am happy to leave the good and bad behind to see what's in store for me, us in the future.

i don't know what the future holds, nor do i want to know now. i can't change it. even if I knew what the future held, i don't think i would want to change it. that would change too many other facets of me, who i am supposed to become. the path that has been laid for me is specific to me. why would i want to change something so important?

there are times when i feel like i'm not worth it, a failure. i try to change my attitude, to be more positive. it works most of the time. other times i wallow in self pity for a while. then i am reminded by pbs or js that i'm not a failure and i am here for a reason. i might not know the reason right now, but i think js and pbs are pretty good reasons.

the last few years have been pretty challenging. i wouldn't be who i am today if i hadn't gone through those experiences. i would not have had the confidence to be a sahm, to start my own mary kay business, to travel by myself. some, if not all, of those experiences made me stronger, more willing to take risks. i hope that one day i understand why js and i had to go through so many losses and hardships. right now i just want to live! i want to reflect, remember and learn from but not dwell on or in the past. so as 2013 quickly approaches, reflect and move forward, learning as you go.

tears of sadness

in the last couple of days i've broken down in tears a few times. pbs has come up to me and said, "mommy? you're crying? let me give you a hug and kiss to make you feel better." i wish that was all that it would take to make me feel better.

when i've started crying it's because i was reading an article on the newtown, ct elementary school mass shooting and i was thinking about the parents of all of those children. i can't imagine how those parents, both those who lost their children and those who did not, feel. i can imagine what it's like to lose a child and my heart completely breaks every time i even think about the evil and cruelty in our world.

there was even a point when i spoke with js on the phone, he's been on travel for the last week for work. he hadn't heard what happened. when i told him what had happened, we talked about home schooling pbs. i don't really feel qualified to home school him and i want him to have a so called "normal" childhood, which would include going to a real school. i would like to send him to a private parochial school because i went to private parochial school from preschool through high school. js is on the public school side because he went to public school from kindergarten through high school. after this latest mass killing, we might be more on the same page.

 

it's not that a private parochial school is any better or safer than a public school, but i think that i would feel that it was a bit better and safer because i could have a say and see where the money was actually going. i know that bad things happen in these schools too but it doesn't seem to be as often or even on the same scale. class sizes are smaller and there are more opportunities for individualized instruction. 

here's an example. i went to a very small school. it started when i was in third grade with a total of 23 children. we had combined classes. so in my classroom it was second, third and fourth grades. kindergarten and first grade were combined in another room. there were eight of us in these three classes, all of us girls. fourth grade was the highest grade, kindergarten was the lowest. the preschool was separate. we had the principal as our teacher in the morning and the preschool teacher as our teacher in the afternoon. the principal and preschool teacher were married to each other. 

now, fast forward almost thirty years...js and i moved to the west coast and started going to a church where my third grade teachers were attending. they are some of our closest friends and are pbs' God parents. i don't think we would have found a relationship like this in a public school.

it's not fair to have to make these kinds of life decisions for our children. i know that we make life decisions for them from the time we find out we're expecting, but why should we have to decide where to send our children to school based on whether it's safe and secure? i guess the days when parents decided to send their children to a school because of it's academic reputation are gone. 

i'm so saddened by all of this, especially because it seems to be "normal" to have a mass shooting. 

results

the results came back from the blood tests that js and i had done. everything was normal. it's good news to know that there's nothing wrong according to the blood tests that were performed. but it's also frustrating because we still don't have any answers to why i keep having miscarriages around the same point in every pregnancy. plus the doctor we saw was on vacation so i couldn't ask the questions i wanted to ask.

we've been pregnant five times. we have pbs. he was our second pregnancy. our first ended around eight weeks but i didn't have any symptoms of the loss until 13 weeks. our third and fifth pregnancies ended at seven weeks. our fourth pregnancy ended at five weeks. we've named all of the babies except for this last one. i haven't been able to come up with a name yet.

some days are better than others. some days are worse. i have a very hard time being around anyone who's pregnant now or has just had a baby in the last few months. i can't say congratulations or give any sort of well wishes. i feel guilty about this but i don't know what to do or say. it's always awkward, i'm sure because others don't know what to say or do or how to react to us.

i want answers. i hope to get some soon.

testing, testing...

more tests. i'm ready for more, if you are. bring it! consider it brought!

i feel like everything seems to be a huge test lately. either i'm feeling testy because someone or something is getting on my nerves or it really is a test that js and i have to work through.

pbs likes to push buttons. he likes to say, "i'm pushing your buttons!", when he's pushing buttons on a remote or an old cell phone. it's pretty cute but sometimes it's true, he is pushing my buttons. i try to laugh it off and go on with whatever i'm trying to accomplish. sometimes i get angry and frustrated and that shows on my face, in my actions. pbs can tell and seems to get a little bit scared. i try to take a step back and look at the situation and approach it a different way. it doesn't always work.

i think he's testing js and me to see how far he can push us before we tell him to stop. i'll tell him up to three times not to do something. if by the third time he hasn't changed his behavior i take action. we sit him on a step for a time-out or if he's doing something that is dangerous, he gets a spanking. i hate spanking him. it tears me apart to have to do it. i guess it's another test that i have to work through.

we've gotten some results back from some of our blood tests and they were all normal. we're still waiting on some others. the waiting seems like a test sometimes too. how patiently i can wait is the hardest test right now, i think. i guess we'll have more testing done if the other tests come back normal too.

testing, testing...

doctors, procedures, understanding life

in a previous post i mentioned having had some issues during october this year. well, i think it's about time for me to talk, share, open up and breathe for a little bit.

in october, js and i experienced another miscarriage. it kind of feels like de ja vou or a really long, horrible dream that i cannot wake up from. today we began the process of trying to find out why this keeps happening. eventually we will probably try again but i don't think i'm ready yet. i'm not sure how much more i can take - physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

i am so blessed to have js and pbs in my life. if/when this happens i seem to shut down for a while, want to curl up in a little ball and crawl into a hole and stay there forever. i know that i can't stay that way forever because i do have people who depend on me. i think i've just been going through the motions of every day life for the past several weeks. i want to be the best mommy and wife i can be for js and pbs, but i know i haven't been lately.

through our process of trying to figure out why, we will have blood tests, (several of which we had today), and visits to my obgyn and the high-risk doctors and whatever other tests may be needed. i know that i want answers but i'm also scared to know that i could be causing this to happen because of some undiscovered, underlying issue that we didn't know about. i guess that's what comes along with knowing.

pray for peace of mind, comfort in knowing and not knowing everything in His time. pray for strength, wisdom, understanding and grace as we find out or don't find out the answers to our questions. pray that we can lean on each other, but also find the strength we need within and from Him.

any interest in mary kay?

i'm trying to figure out how to grow my mary kay business. i've done facials, had skin care classes and color/glamour parties online and in my home and other people's homes. i have a few internet parties going on right now and a multiple vendor open house scheduled for the beginning of december.

i think eventually i would like to have a few team members and maybe even work my way to earning a car. i'm still so new at this that all of that seems pretty far off.

i guess i'm still nervous about approaching people and asking them to try the product. it's kind of difficult when pbs and i are in the house most of the time because of weather or some other form of blockade. i have made connections with some friends and family through phone calls and emails, but i don't want to bother them all the time either.

the need to grow my business is pretty big and daunting to me. i'm not a very outgoing person if i don't know who i'm talking to. i'm rather shy at times, actually. (pbs helps a little with this because he seems to be able to talk to anyone.)

i don't want to be pushy and i try to let my customers decide what is best for them. but at the same time, i'm in this to help support my family. so far, i don't feel like i'm doing a very good job with this part.

(if you're interested in purchasing any mary kay product or other information, let me know. i would love to help in any way i can! my website is www.marykay.com/lynnstraw.)

fun when the storm rolls in

as i'm sure most of the world may know, the east coast of the usa was bombarded by hurricane/super storm sandy/frankenstorm at the beginning of this week.

js, pbs and i lost power for about 12 hours. we made the best of it. we have a gas fireplace, which js figured out how to light and we kept warm from the heat off of that. pbs was a little freaked out at first but js and i made it fun for him and his fears seemed to disappear. we "cleaned the floor" in front of the fireplace by having sock footed races. for dinner we had chips and popcorn, fun stuff for an out of the ordinary kind of night. later in the evening we decided to have a cars 2 slumber party in our bedroom. we brought the ipad with cars 2 on it into our room and the three of us were snuggled up in our bed. pbs slept in our bed that night.

js checked out the house and neighborhood after frankenstorm and everything seemed fine for us. there were a few limbs down but it didn't seem like anything was damaged. that's how we have fun when the storm rolls in.

busy as bees

it's been a long while since i've posted anything. we were really busy the whole month of october. i know it's only going to get more hectic with the holidays coming. we've had some ups and downs this past month. at some point i hope to be able to post about the low points but i just can't bring myself to do it right now. the high points were family and friends visiting, lifting our spirits and caring for us. it was really perfect timing with everything that we had going on in our personal life. our friends and family couldn't have visited at a better time.

js, pbs and i are doing ok now. pbs dressed up as a train engineer for halloween. he was the cutest train engineer i've ever seen! :) js and i took turns walking him around the neighborhood for trick-or-treating. we finally met some more of our neighbors. that was a fun night too.

now we're trying to figure out what to do for Christmas and new year's. i know thanksgiving isn't even here yet! we're trying to figure out if we're going to our family or if we're staying home. it always seems to be so stressful for all involved when we travel for the holidays or any other trips visiting family. i think we'll be home for thanksgiving for the most part.

anyway, i just wanted to let you know that i haven't forgotten or given up on this blog yet. we've just been busy as bees and i haven't had time to post. i will post more soon!

the spectrum of life in one week

while we were on our mid-western tour, we went to a baptism for baby girl and then a visitation for friends' father, all within a week. from one end of the spectrum of life to the other. this man was 60 years old and had been fighting alzheimer's disease for five or more years. he had become just a shell of what he once was.

i remember him being very kind, extremely musically inclined, and always wanting to help anyone in any way that he could. he was a very strong Christian man, with very strong morals and values. he was a family man, very loving to his wife and three daughters. he had a huge heart.

this disease made him angry, mean and not know his family. he became violent and aggressive towards others. up until the last six months of his life, his wife and daughters were caring for him at home. it got to be too much for them and they put him into a facility. that facility couldn't care for him and had to send him to another. this happened at least twice that i know.

it was a long, tough battle for his family as well. they had to keep learning how to act around him, react to him and how to treat him as the disease progressed. he and his wife were very active in local, state and federal government trying to find ways to fight, if not cure, this disease.

i know it will take time for his family to feel like they are able to move forward, but i hope they are at peace knowing that he is in a much better place now. js' family has been through alzheimers disease, as i'm sure many other families have also. i'm hoping for a cure or some way to slow down the process or prevent the disease from ever happening.

we're back and they're gone!

js, pbs and i have been away for a little over a week. we were celebrating with my brother and sister-in-law baby girl's baptism and then we took a mid-western tour of the state where we were born and raised. it's not  really much of a vacation because we do feel like we're being pulled in a thousand different directions by family and friends.

they don't mean to pull us in all directions. it's just what happens. so now we're back home and all seems to be well. we've unpacked and most of the laundry is done. of course there's always something else that needs to be done, but we'll get to whatever that might be eventually.

as for the crickets and other critters, they're gone! js sprayed the night before we left on our trip, inside and out. we came home to silence instead of loud, incessant, cricket chirping. a few crickets and other critters are/were lying on their backs, not moving because they are dead.

it was very nice to come home to a quiet, cricket free, critter free home.

crickets and other critters

cricket the size of ma, ri,ct & nj

in the last few weeks we have had an increase in crickets the size of massachusettes, rhode island, connecticut and new jersey, combined (puzzle pieces, but still!), in our house! these guys are huge, loud and ugly! they have kept us awake at night. they have scared us when they appear from out of nowhere it seems. these crickets even swim!

swimming cricket
i took this from inside and must
have been 6 to 8 feet away!

there have also been other critters too. some of those include ants, cave/camelback crickets, silverfish, millipede looking things, etc. since we have never lived in our own house before, we don't know what to do to get rid of them. js has talked about calling an exterminator and that would be great if it wouldn't cost an arm and a leg. i'm nervous about the chemicals that they might have to use and what might hurt us, especially because of pbs. i'm worried that they're leaving some sort of disease or other fungus or parasites or bacteria around for pbs, js or myself to possibly get sick. any suggestions for do it yourself extermination possibilities would be much appreciated.

larger image of swimming cricket

if we would have an exterminator come, how much do they normally charge? i'm sure it probably depends on the area that they need to spray, what they use and what needs to be done. our house is an older house and does not have a crawl space and is slab on grade, according to js. i think that means that the foundation sits right on the ground. the crickets have been mainly in the sun room, lower level family room, laundry room/utility room/bathroom and garage. 

we haven't seen any roaches, which i am very thankful about. we lived in a "second floor" apartment once where the front door was on the second floor but the "balcony" was on the ground. in this apartment we found roaches the size of half dollars. they were big, black and disgusting! needless to say, we moved out of there pretty quickly. there were other issues there too, but that's another post on privacy for a later time. one of the neighbors cooked a lot of ethnic food but i don't know if they ever cleaned up after themselves. so the roaches were definitely in heaven!

is there a safe, even environmentally friendly, do it yourself way to get rid of crickets and other critters? so far, knock on wood and any other wood product, we haven't had termites or mice, that we know of. that makes me feel a little better. we keep the house pretty clean because we don't want any of these critters as visitors or house guests. when we do see the crickets we have been killing them with a shoe or rolled up newspaper, so we're not against terminating them. but i guess by me asking about exterminators, you could probably figure that out.

preschool for pbs...

my brother, sister-in-law and baby girl are home and have been for almost a week. it sounds like everything went very well for them, paperwork for the two states and agencies was all filed and set to go before two weeks were up. they headed out and made it home by this weekend. my mom and dad were very anxious to get to meet baby girl and jealous that we had already met her.

we skyped with them tonight while they were having "tummy time". baby girl was trying to turn her head in the direction of our voices on the computer. she was very alert and awake for being almost two weeks old. i think pbs was a little jealous of the attention that baby girl was getting and was trying to show his grandparents, aunt and uncle all of his toys and his newest trick.

his newest trick happens to be putting together a puzzle of the united states, naming each state and their capitol. the boy is two and a half! this has become one of his favorite things to do. we started out by asking him where he was born and showing him the state. then we'd ask where other people were born and show those states. we also ask where people live and show him those states. from there it moved to naming each state and now we're naming each state and their capitol. what two and a half year old do you know that knows these things? he also knows that delaware is the first state and that pennsylvania is the second state. we're still working on the others.

we're thinking about putting him into preschool this fall. i know, we're a little late on this but we're hoping to be able to get him in at the church preschool up the street from where we live. we have only one car, so this is the best option for us. i hope that the teachers don't find pbs to be too precocious or ahead of the rest of the kids. i work with him all the time and that's how he knows all of this. he knows his alphabet, can recite full books back to us, can count to 20 (when he wants to), knows many names of dinosaurs and what time period they are from, etc. i think he might even be able to read a little bit, but i haven't tested that theory yet. i don't want to be the parent that thinks their child is a genius and can do no wrong. i know he can do wrong! i have seen him do it and be given consequences for it.

if you were a teacher and you had a student like this in your class, what would you do? would he be bored? is two and a half too early to put him into preschool? i hope not. we really want to put him into preschool for the socialization of it because he's not around that many other kids. i think that he would do fine around the other kids and want him to realize that the world does not revolve around him. at home, the world does seem to revolve around him. he's an only child. i think preschool is just what we need for pbs. any other thoughts or suggestions on this subject?

update: baby girl is here!

baby girl arrived yesterday afternoon! everybody is doing well and is healthy. we've seen one picture and she is beautiful! i'm hoping that the rest of my brother and sister-in-law's time goes smoothly while they spend the next two weeks getting to know their little girl. happy birthday little one!

the baby is coming!

we got the call today from my brother that he and his wife are on the way to the hospital to pick up their baby. they will have to be away from their home and dog for at least two weeks getting acquainted with the baby and acclimated to being parents. they have to stay in the state where the baby is being born for two weeks because of the laws of the state and rules of the adoption agency.

i think and hope that we get to see the baby soon, learn if they have a little boy or a little girl and of course learn the name of the baby. i can't blame them for not telling the name that they've chosen or the sex of the baby since the birth mother didn't find out. js and i found out the sex of pbs but didn't tell his name until he was born. we had a piece of paper with the alphabet printed on it and while my parents were in town (for two weeks before and two weeks after) we would cross off letters that we knew weren't going to be the first letter of the name. by the day of the delivery, we had three letters left and three names to decide from. we decided on the way to the hospital and came up with pbs' name.

i realize this had to be the longest wait of their life. it really seemed to move pretty quickly,to me, though because they only started the process in january. i don't know what i would be feeling if i were in their shoes. i do know how i felt when pregnant with pbs. i was anxious, nervous, a real mess because it was a pretty stressful, difficult pregnancy. i hope that the birth mother has had a more "normal" pregnancy than i had. i hope that she was able to enjoy the time she had with the baby, even while knowing she would be giving this child to someone else. i hope that my brother and sister-in-law are able to transition fairly easily from a family of two to a family of three.

we've been praying for all parties involved. and now we can almost be extremely excited because the baby is coming!

siblings

the past few days have made me think, i mean really think, about whether or not we should try for a second child. on the one hand, we would love for pbs to have a sibling that he could play and learn with. but on the other hand, i wonder if js and i would have enough time to spend with each child individually the way we have with pbs.

both js and i are oldest children. i'm the oldest of two and he's the oldest of three. we both would love for pbs to have the camaraderie that only comes with having siblings. even sibling rivalry is an experience that i wouldn't trado for anything because it taught me how to be in other relationships in my life and made me who i am today. of course there were times when my mom wondered if my brother and i would make it to college or to see our 30th birthdays, but we both made it. we are much closer now than we ever were growing up. we've grown up and are able to see past our differences and quirks and love each other for who we are.

now my brother and sister-in-law are about to become parents through adoption. their baby is coming any day! we are so excited and happy for them. pbs will have a cousin in just a few days. cousins are almost as good as having a brother or sister. my brother and i have many cousins and love them and miss them very much. we don't get to see each other very often.

pbs is a pretty mature two and a half. he's pretty independent, as most two and a half year olds are. we've noticed that he seems more mature than some of the older kids he's been around. he's polite, caring, concerned and even understands when he's done something wrong. he apologizes and really seems sorry if he does something he shouldn't. we work with him all the time on these things and other issues when they come up. i think pbs could handle being a big brother but i don't know if i could handle it.

improving vs. improvising

i recently started selling mary kay to help myself and family financially, mentally, emotionally. i haven't made a sale or held a class/party yet, but i will and am hoping that will help me feel better about signing up for this business. i question my abilities to be excited, outgoing and persuasive. i know i can do it, it's just a matter of growing my courage and getting out there. it helps me to know that i will be helping other women to feel beautiful inside and out by enhancing their natural beauty through the wonders of make-up and skin care. i hope to improve myself, get some "me time" and adult conversation by getting out more without pbs in tow. i love being able to take pbs to the museums, art exhibits, the zoo, shopping. he's improving his vocabulary and mind but we're also improvising on schedule and what we talk about and do every day.

if you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you know that js and i bought a house a couple of months ago and have been trying to fix it up to our liking. it's coming along, slowly but surely. i would much rather have some sort of super power where i could snap my fingers, twitch my nose or wiggle my ears and things would get done without having to do the actual work. i do like to start projects and i have a list a mile long already for us to do. it's the actual working on the project all the way to finish that i'm not too fond. i find myself getting bored halfway through and wanting to jump to something else or to start a new project. i end up have many projects going at the same time for this very reason. most of the time i do like the sense of accomplishment and achievement when i've finished a project, of course i probably already have plans to change or improve the finished product in the back of my mind.

js finished painting the walls in our room and pulled up the carpet to reveal beautiful hard wood floors. he's been doing a little each night when he comes home from work. he's exhausted because he's swamped at work and then he comes home to work some more. i will paint the trim either sometime this week or over the weekend. i guess we're improvising life to get to the finished product and final results.

we're improving the house, our family, our finances, etc. but are we improvising to get to the final outcome? i guess that's really how life goes. we're always trying to improve on something, be it our selves, our house. in school we're told that we can do better and to try to improve our grades and grow our basic knowledge. in our work we're reviewed and told to do things differently to improve upon existing systems, processes and procedures. i know in my home-life, i'm trying to figure out how i can improve as a mommy, a wife, a woman. really, isn't life just one big improvising session since we don't know what's coming around the next bend?

i took the plunge

i've been thinking for quite a while that i needed to do more for my family in the money department. since i'm home full-time with pbs i'm not bringing in any money. i feel guilty for that but at the same time, i feel blessed to be able to have this time with pbs. i know i could never get that back or replace being there for all of his firsts. i struggled with the decision of staying home vs. going to work full or part time, and i still do sometimes. that's why i decided to take the plunge.

i started researching, asking questions about starting my own at home business a few months ago and found a company that i felt would allow me to stay home, work my own hours, and that i believe in. i have started my very own mary kay business. i'm going to try it out, make the most of what i know i can do, have fun meeting new people and make some money while i do it. i will get to get out of the house for a while a couple times a week by myself. i think that will help me to be a better mother and wife to pbs and js.

i want to feel refreshed from my time away and be able to contribute more to my family. i love my family very much but need some me time once in a while. this business will help me to get that and more, all for my family.

(if you're interested in purchasing any products, hosting a class or party, or just getting information on how you can be your own boss, check out my website at http://marykay.com/lynnstraw/default.aspx.)

10 years and counting

js and i have been married for 10 years as of friday july 13, 2012. he's put up with me for a very long time. ;) we've been through a lot, had many ups and downs and have gotten through all of it together.

there have been times that we've wondered if we would make it to 10 years (or whatever year may have been closest) but we pulled through the rough patches to get to the good stuff. the three years on the west coast while js was in law school were pretty rough for many reasons. but we tried and succeeded and worked through as a couple. sometimes it felt like we were roommates and may have only seen each other for five minutes a day but the reward is knowing that he is going to be there when the going gets rough.

some of the ups were challenging as well but they made us stronger as a couple and as individuals. we have grown from our experiences and have learned and are learning what needs to be done in the future.

last year for our anniversary i wrote a list of things with a corresponding number for the number of years we had been married. i didn't do that this year. i wanted to do something else but still haven't done it until now. (js reads this every time i post something and brings it up after he's read it.)

js, i love you to the moon and back. i will always love you. you have pulled, pushed and prodded me, and us, through some rough and not so rough times. you have always been there when i've needed you. i hope you can put up with me for a lot longer than 10 more years. so here's to 10 years and counting! i love you!

parenting is tough!

i've read a few articles and blog posts on parenting in the last couple weeks. these articles focused on how american children are spoiled. i don't completely agree that all american children are spoiled. i do realize that there are always exceptions.

after reading this article from the new yorker, i've been questioning js and my parenting style. i read the article and wondered how american children have come to be so "spoiled" and take so many things for granted? it has to start, and now end, somewhere. i don't want to raise a spoiled child. i want pbs to help out without being asked or told to do so. i want him to be respectful, loving and caring towards all people. 

i read two other articles on similar topics with tips on how to curb this "spoiled" attitude. here are the links to those articles: are your kids spoiled? and 10 signs your child might be spoiled and what to do about it

js and i have been trying to have pbs help out at home whenever we can. he helps with laundry, picking up and putting away his toys and books, helping with the trash. those are things that he can do right now at two and a half. pbs loves to help and comes running when we ask for his help. i think we started this when he started walking. if he's in the nursery at church he picks up the toys he was playing with without being asked or told to. don't get me wrong, pbs is not the perfect child! in fact, he can be a downright terror sometimes, especially if he's overtired, overstimulated, or just plain over it.

when we were expecting pbs, we asked other family members and friends what they do for disciplining their children and how they got them to behave so well. they told us about this book called "parenting with love and logic". we've read some of it and have tried some of the techniques. we like what we've used and pbs seems to understand that we love him but we want him to figure out what needs to be done to make a challenging situation better. parenting is tough! i know we have a parenting style and have had friends and complete strangers ask and comment about what we are doing with pbs, but i just hope that we're doing what's right for pbs.

happy birthday america!

today is july 4th. independence day in america. the day we celebrate our independence as a nation, united as one, working towards the "american dream." i think most of the time those dreams and initial goals are so skewed that we forget that we are supposed to be working as one nation, united under God, indivisible by man.


the fireworks, barbecues, parties, etc. are great fun. remember why you are there, why we have this day to remember.

happy birthday america!

he's growing up

pbs is graduating into a "big boy bed" sometime this week. we bought the bed over the weekend and js has been putting it together bit by bit when he comes home from work. pbs seems to know what's happening but is still okay with sleeping in his crib for the next few days. once the bed is all put together, i think we're going to have some challenges for keeping him in his bed at nap time and at night. bed time might end up being my least favorite time of the day.

this is pbs' "big boy bed"
 (odda bed frame with drawers from ikea)

i guess it all comes with growing up. i'm sure my parents went through something similar with me when i was pbs' age. i don't remember switching from a crib to a bed but i am assuming that it happened since i do sleep in a bed now.

we're still in the middle of potty training but we haven't pushed it too much with all that has been going on. i think we will make a bigger push for it in the next couple of months. i'm ready to be done with diapers and the changing table. although we've been using pbs' changing table as sort of a dresser, with bins and boxes to hold pajamas, shoes, and other necessities. i've already got training pants and pull-ups for him. he likes to wear the pull-ups because they have the characters from the movie "cars 2" printed on them. he has seen the training pants and got really excited about those too because they have dinosaurs on them. he is all boy!

he's growing up so fast, right before my eyes. it's what we've been working towards over the last couple years. i'm really quite excited that he's growing up, learning how to do things on his own, and becoming very independent.

mommy needs a new pair of shoes!

on our way to church sunday morning, pbs said something that i will not repeat. i know where he heard it and am not too happy about it. js is working on his potty mouth. i have been telling him for quite some time to "watch your mouth!" (although i'm a little confused as to how one can watch their mouth.) now he understands why he needs to be careful of what he says. pbs repeats everything! he is a little parrot! 


js decided that he would put $5 dollars towards a shoe fund for me every time he used bad words. (i'm up to $15 so far!) this is supposed to include words that he says at work and when he's not with pbs and me as well. i think this is a pretty good way to curb this bad habit. although, now i'm hoping he uses a lot more of those words so that i can get a few really nice pairs of shoes. ;) 


mommy needs a new pair of shoes! 

it's just you and me kid

this week js is away on business. pbs and i are home, learning the sights and sounds of our new house. it's kind of creepy since we haven't been here alone at night ever before. we are living in a very quiet neighborhood compared to where we were in the apartment.

i know, or at least hope, that eventually this house we are living in will feel like it is our home. so far i still kind of feel like i'm staying in somebody else's house (and i've not been a very good house guest). so this week without js is no different in that i still feel awkward and nervous in our house. maybe i feel this way because we've had guests since the second week of living here and now it's so quiet and i can actually hear all of the creaks and cracks that happen at night and during the day.

the creepiness doesn't seem to affect pbs. he just goes about his business of being a two year old on the go. he seems to really enjoy having so much freedom and reign of where he can go in the house and, to a certain point, what he can do. he seems happy to be able to play with his trains, cars, read books, watch some chuggington, etc.

he seems to have adjusted pretty well to the move and it wasn't too traumatic for him. i think it was more traumatic for js and me because we were so worried how it would affect pbs. but for this week, it's just you and me kid.

the difference between parents & grandparents

i really started to notice the differences between parents & grandparents over the past week and a half while my parents were visiting, helping us get settled into our house, watching pbs, etc. i remember them being more parents than friends. now they are more friends and i find that i am more willing to listen to their advice. although sometimes, i do admit, that i still have the urge to roll my eyes or think that they don't know what they're talking about.

they really enjoy being grandparents and watching pbs grow up, either in person or online via skype, facebook, pictures and emails. pbs loves talking to them, showing them his toys, learning from them. they try not to overstep, if js or i are around, when they see him do something that he shouldn't. if js or i are not around they are more willing to step in and tell pbs no and make sure that he is safe.

while they were here, js and i had plans to go out for a few hours one night with friends and to an out of town wedding one day. they were more than happy to watch pbs and get to spend time with just him without us around. they went to the park, played trains, did puzzles, read books, etc., all the things that pbs loves to do every day. we gave them the addresses of where we would be. they have our phone numbers. they knew what pbs could and could not eat with respect to allergies. everything went fine.

if pbs is with just me, i seem to be somewhat stressed and can't seem to relax. i hope that i can get to the same relaxed sort of state as my parents are with my brother and me. we are in our thirties, so i'm sure that has something to do with it, but i don't want to wait until pbs is in his thirties to be able to relax. maybe with all that we've had going on in the last couple of months kind of contributes to my stress. i don't want to be a stressed out basketcase for the rest of pbs' life.

digging deeper

after so many posts about finding a house, moving and our house, i'm having to dig pretty deep to find something to talk about. i know that i will eventually be able to write about our life again and not all of the tears, toils and tribulations of becoming home owners but for the moment that is the foremost subject on my mind.

we're digging our way through the boxes, trying to find our way in our new home. it doesn't quite feel like our home yet, but it will get there after we dig our way through all of the newness of it. we'll dig our way through the learning period of owning a house with a pool, something that neither js or i have any experience with. we'll dig our way through all of the projects, that i seem to keep coming up with, necessary and cosmetic.

it's kind of like life in a way. we have to dig, find our way through everyday life and all of the extra experiences that make us who we are. these things shape our character and make us better people for the tough and not so tough stuff that everybody goes through. i guess i will just have to keep digging deeper and deeper to find what it is that i want and need to say.

we're in...

we're in our house now. we're still painting, cleaning, unpacking, doing some everyday things. we're pretty overwhelmed with all of the life lessons we're learning at such a quick pace. i guess the learning curve is pretty steep right now.

i know eventually this will feel like an old friend, at least that's what i hope. so far the hot water heater had been turned off and we couldn't get hot water. js called someone to come fix that. had we known that it could be fixed by doing the opposite of what the directions say to do, we could have done it ourselves. the second night we stayed in the house the garage door wouldn't close. the motor was grinding like it wanted to move but it wasn't lowering. js eventually pulled it down and now it doesn't open. we will have someone come and look at it to see what we need to do. i guess we live and learn.

we didn't move into a brand new house. we moved into a 60+ year old house and knew that it would need some work along the way. maybe we thought it would be later rather than sooner. we're learning as we go.

it's been a real adventure for pbs too. poor kid hasn't been able to do much because i'm too scared to leave him alone with all of the boxes and things that haven't found a place in our home yet. i'm sure eventually i will be comfortable with him being on his own...at least i'm hoping i get to that point. i want him to feel like he had a good childhood when he grows up.

we've been so busy and so tired that i think we all need a break. a vacation from our lives for a few days is definitely something we could use. if we could feel comfortable going away and coming back to all of the chaos that we're living in right now, that might be a challenge.

i guess the main thing is that we're in our house and can make it our home.

it's here!

moving day is here on saturday! i'm excited but also nervous and dreading the actual moving of furniture and unpacking of boxes. i'm nervous because we will have to take care of everything. there is no maintenance person to call to come and fix something if it breaks or isn't working properly as in an apartment. yes, there are people to call when something breaks but they cost money! money is something that we don't have a lot of right now because of the purchase of this house.

eventually we will be able to figure out what needs to be done and fix things ourselves...at least that's my hope and goal. i know i don't need to call a plumber to unclog a toilet. i know that i don't have to hire someone to care for the lawn. i will learn how to care for the plants, bushes, trees, etc. i'm hoping to have a garden to grow some vegetables and herbs. maybe i'll try growing some fruit trees...i don't know if the weather and soil will cooperate with that idea but i can try. hopefully we can figure out how to care for the pool and keep a toddler out of it without making him terrified of water.

we've met some of the neighbors and so far they seem very nice. there are several dogs and kids in the neighborhood too. pbs has made a few friends already. i think this is going to be an interesting summer and a great experience for all three of us.

here we go! it's time to move! it's here!

important dates & moving

how is it that we seem to move on holidays or important date days? our move in day for this move is may 12, mother's day weekend. our move out day from our west coast apartment was mother's day 2010. our move in date to our west coast apartment was our fifth wedding anniversary in 2007. i realize that a lot of people move on memorial day weekend, fourth of july weekend, labor day weekend and any other three day weekend because of the extra day.

js and i have joked about it but it doesn't seem to deter us from finding that important date and moving that day. it's kind of funny really. a little disappointing, maybe. i mean who really wants to spend their anniversary moving?

the next funny thing was an anniversary dinner at mcdonald's. we continued that tradition, i use that word lightly, on the first mother's day move and will probably do it this time as well. i should also say that we went to mcdonald's for father's day as well so that it was even. :) i really didn't and don't mind. i just think it's funny.

i see it like this, i'm getting a house for mother's day so he's really going to have to try to outdo himself for our anniversary. maybe i should ask for a car or a fancy trip for our anniversary! just joking! ;) we are approaching our tenth anniversary this summer. then again, maybe i should get him a car or trip for father's day since i am getting a house...

our house

we closed on the house yesterday. i guess i should say "our house" but it all seems quite surreal right now. everything seemed to go smoothly from what "property virgins" would know about purchasing a house.

we got some lunch after closing and took it to our house. of course there was nothing to sit on but the floor but we made do. js had the foresight to call all of the utility companies and change those into our name, so we had power, water, gas, etc.

we did some cleaning and painted some squares on the walls to see what colors the walls will be. it's funny to me that the paint swatches that come from the hardware store are quite different from what they look like on the wall. i know that i will pick something eventually but i'm quite torn between two colors right now for our bedroom.

pbs' bedroom was easy. the color is called rain cloud and is kind of a blue-gray. but the best part will be the wall with half painted in magnetic and chalkboard paints. i think he will have a lot of fun with that! if he doesn't, i know i will!

so we have a house now and are realizing that there is so much to do. we slept in our apartment last night and found it odd that we own a house and we're not staying there. with every other move we've made, we rented the space and were in it on the same day but we didn't have the option of making changes and improvements. now we have a place of our own and won't be staying there until mother's day but we are making changes and improvements.

our house is a very, very, very fine house...

moving memories

as i posted the other day, everything is happening all at once. how do people do this all the time? in the almost ten years js and i have been married, we have moved five times, not including this upcoming move to a house. that's almost once every two years! three of those have been cross country moves.

we're not military. we're not government employees that have to move with the job. i guess it comes with going to school and getting jobs in different parts of the country. why do i feel as if we've moved more than the "normal" american family? is it because both of us grew up in pretty much one house from the time we were born? i know that my parents moved when i was six months old to the house where i grew up, but otherwise there was no moving around.

this will be the third home for pbs. he's only two! i'm sure he doesn't remember our west coast home and may not remember our current home but we will. we have many pictures and videos of both of those places. he'll probably remember the pictures more than the physical home itself. although he still talks about a trip we took to florida a few months ago with my parents. maybe he will remember more than i think he will.

we will make this new house our home and create new memories. eventually, we might decide to move again but hopefully not in the near future. although i'm hesitant about this move, i am excited to start a new chapter in our lives. so now we just have to move the memories that we already have and make room for new ones.

so fast but so slow

everything seems to be happening so fast but also at a snail's pace. js has just about packed everything in our apartment. i'm a little concerned about this since we don't actually move for another three weeks. he's packed the crock pot, most of our dishes, some pots and pans. we're trying to eat everything that's in the fridge, pantry and freezer so that we don't have to move it. i know this is the way things happen in a move but it just seems to be happening so fast.

on the other hand, we seem to be wishing away our time and it's crawling at the same speed that paint dries. we have so many things that we need to and want to do in the new house. i am pretty overwhelmed with everything that is going on.

eventually we will be settled in the new house and many of the needs and wants will be taken care of pretty quickly. there will always be something that needs to be done or that we want to make better. in time we will be able to do those things. for now, we just need to keep plugging away at what needs to be done in the present and then we can focus on other things. if only time wouldn't seem to speed up when we get so busy and slow down when we want it to go faster. if only time would keep a steady pace...

getting ready

i feel like we're always getting ready for something. it could be as routine as getting ready for work, church, outings, dinner. or it could be as complex as getting ready for a wedding, marriage, a new baby, a big move. how we handle all of the complex getting ready kind of reflects how we deal with the routine getting ready.

i am pretty laid back in my approach to getting ready on a daily basis. that's not to say that i don't have a routine. i do have a routine that i don't like to stray too far from but i do like to take my time and enjoy the mundane qualities of my routine. so in the more complex getting ready scenarios, i tend to take my time in doing research and gathering any supplies that i might need.

an example of this would be our upcoming move. i know i have already stated that i have a severe aversion to packing, but i seem to love planning. i think i picked this trait up from my father. he is a retired computer scheduler for the railroad. his scheduling spilled over into every part of his life. growing up, i remember getting itineraries when we would go on family vacations that had things lined up for every second of every day. i like to know what's going to happen and when. but as far as our upcoming move, i seem to not have any idea what's going on.

js has a list and has been sticking to it. he has been bringing home boxes from work, packing, calling all the important people/places, changing addresses, etc. for every other move we've made, i brought home lots of boxes from work. but since i'm home with pbs, i'm at a loss. my contribution this time is picking paint colors, keeping pbs out of everything, cleaning and some packing. i don't feel like it's enough. i guess i'm having a hard time getting ready for our move this time.

box city here we come

we've been packing some lately. when we moved from the east coast to the west coast and then back again we joked that we had box city in our living room. it's happening again. slowly but surely we are starting to have box city in our living room. the picture below only shows some of the boxes. there are three bookshelves with boxes on them as well.

some of the boxes that we, i mean js, has packed.
diaper boxes work very well for books.

i have a severe aversion to packing and would rather find anything else to do. take yesterday as an example. pbs asked to pack a box in the morning. so we packed up some dvds. js has packed all of our books and now our shelves are bare, except for the boxes. i decided to make marshmallows in the shape of easter bunnies and carrots. now tell me how is that helping with the packing?

we do have several boxes that are still packed from the cross-country move two years ago. that helps. i just get completely overwhelmed and end up not knowing where to start, where to turn, what to do next, etc. 

this move is different because it is a local move. i don't remember the last local move we made. i must have blocked it out because i know there was one in between our first move to the east coast and then to the west coast. i didn't even realize how very soon we will actually be moving until just the other day. we're moving into our house over mother's day weekend. (that's a joke between js and me that i will save for another post.) i really don't mind moving on mother's day. i just like to tease js about it. :)

so we have packing, cleaning, cleaning, painting, unpacking and whatever else comes our way to do over the next few weeks. i think we're going to be pretty busy and very tired. i also think we're going to be very excited and nervous to be in a house. all in all, i think we will finally feel like we are home.

desserts and stress(ed)

sometimes when i'm stressed i crave sweets. other times i crave salty snacks. and still other times i have no appetite and have to force myself to eat. the form of stress i'm feeling now seems to come with a mixture of all of the above.

all the stresses of buying a house are starting to really wear on me. i don't normally sleep all that well, but now i know that i'm not even resting. my mind does not shut off at night, which tends to make for some interesting dreams and thoughts in my head at 2 or 3 am. my level of exercise seems to ebb and flow with my mood and appetite. some days pbs and i get out for a short walk. some days the walks are all day affairs. other days we don't get out at all. i guess that kind of goes with being a sahm.

yesterday pbs and i took the metro downtown and walked the tidal basin to see the cherry blossoms. with the warmer weather that we've had so far this spring, the blossoms had already peaked and were really greening out. they were still beautiful. but it was a little disappointing to not see them in full bloom.

(we also went to the natural history museum to see the dinosaurs because pbs loves the kids program on pbs called "dinosaur train". he was very excited to see the "t-rex" and "tops". "tops" is what he calls a triceratops. we ate some lunch in the cafe and then went for a walk on the mall. i decided i wanted to see an exhibit or two at the hirschorn museum. that is definitely one of my favorite art museums.)

i kind of felt like my stress, the blossoms and the weather have all been on a similar pattern lately. so many ups and downs. so many new adventures to conquer and explore.

although we still feel like we should be going to open houses and looking at houses on the weekends, we're figuring out what we need to do. so with all of the many stresses, comes many learning experiences. we will get to enjoy the desserts of our labor(s) in a few weeks.

now the fun starts

i guess it's really starting to sink in that we got the house and will be moving into our house very soon. over the weekend we went to a couple of hardware stores to see what all we might need for the house. what an overwhelming experience!

i picked up a bunch of paint chips to figure out what colors we should put on our walls. that's an overwhelming experience in itself. we've lived in apartments for so long that we almost forgot that there are colors that can go on the walls. i'm thinking a light blueish gray color for pbs' room with a section of a wall in wallpaper that he can color and a section in chalkboard paint for him to write and draw on. i know that i might rethink those ideas but they seem pretty cool in my head. i would also like to use the chalkboard paint in the kitchen to make grocery lists on the pantry doors.

we looked at lawnmowers, other tools, washers, dryers, kitchens, bathrooms, etc. we were definitely getting ahead of ourselves and in over our heads. too many ideas and no money to act on those ideas is a defeating feeling.

but we're moving into our own house! we will be in this place for several years and will eventually be able to do all of the things that we want to do now. for now we'll stick to paint colors, lawnmowers, patio furniture...the smaller things.

now the fun starts...packing, painting, moving, unpacking, figuring out the nuances and quirks of our new home. the inspection is friday morning. hopefully all will go smoothly so that we can start the fun.

we got the house! now what?

we got the house! now what? we've been so busy and focused on finding a house that we didn't consider the next step. packing and moving. maybe there's just so much to do that we don't know what to do first or where to start and that's why we have this feeling of "now what?".

we know we have to pack, get the inspections and appraisals done, transfer services, etc. our weekends have been consumed with house hunting, open houses and more house hunting for the last three months. i guess we almost thought that it would never really happen. that we would never really find everything that we wanted in a house. well, look at this...it happened! we got the house! now what?

we have about eight or nine weeks until our lease is up at our apartment. we'll close on the house in the middle of that time. we'll have to pack and get things in order eventually but maybe we just need a week or so to let this all sink in. we're home owners! what does that mean? now what?

i think that's what we need. a week off to let it all sink in and let the reality hit us in the face. then we'll need a swift kick in the butt to get us packing and purging as we normally do in a move.

this one will be very different since it's a local move. we're much more used to big, cross country moves. i guess you do most of the same stuff for both types of moves. the dreaded packing, deep cleaning of the current home and next home, transferring services or setting up utilities, etc.

i think we know what comes next for the most part. this is a different journey, a different chapter for us but it will be an adventure and an awful lot of fun and excitement for us too. so now what? we'll figure that out along the way.

"the one"

when you're dating, you look for "the one" that you want to spend the rest of your life with. on your wedding day, you know you're marrying "the one" who is meant for you. i guess house hunting could be considered a type of dating or courtship because you're still looking for "the one".

we've put in another offer and are hoping that this is "the one". it has some negatives, but those can be improved upon and made better over time. i think the positives definitely outweigh the negatives. things that cannot be changed that are positives are location, size of the yard, neighborhood, etc. it does need some updating but otherwise, everything is in working condition and we could live with it for a while.

so we're hoping this is "the one" for us. we walked in and thought it was but now we have to wait and see if the seller thinks our offer is "the one" for him. we're praying, hoping and dreaming that it is!

in the middle of a storm

in the middle of a storm i am normally hiding in a closet. i do not like storms. right now, life feels like a huge storm has stopped and i have nowhere to hide. so today i decided to make marshmallows!

marshmallows??? you might say, but seriously i made marshmallows. it was like the storm started to lift a little with with the white, fluffiness of the sticky, gooey mixture. i had my own fluffy, white clouds! the storm started to turn into a partly cloudy, mostly sunny kind of day that i can deal with.

js and i are still house hunting and enduring all the stresses that that entails. on his way home from work the other day, js was in an accident. he was stopped behind another car at a stop light. for some reason, the driver of the other vehicle decided to put her car into reverse. she backed into js. the front end of the car looks like an accordion. nobody was hurt, except the car but it can hopefully be fixed.

we only have the one car, so it's been challenging. js did get a rental car, that helped. he's been dealing with the insurance companies and those headaches. i won't get into all of the other details but i needed some fluffy, white clouds in the middle of this storm.

here's the recipe for the vanilla marshmallows that i used. it is a martha stewart recipe so i was worried that it would be kind of difficult. it was really easy! (i was able to do it while pbs was napping. that's making the marshmallows and cleaning up and having time to write this post.) hope you have fun!

ingredients:
nonstick cooking spray
3 (1/4-ounce) packages unflavored gelatin
1/2 cup cold water
2 cups granulated sugar
2/3 cup light corn syrup
1/4 teaspoon coarse salt
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract, plus 1 vanilla bean, scraped (i didn't use the vanilla bean because i couldn't find one at any of the grocery stores!)
confectioners' sugar, sifted, for coating

directions:

1. lightly spray a 9-by-9-inch baking pan with cooking spray. line pan with plastic wrap, leaving a 2-inch overhang on all sides; set aside.
2. in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the whisk attachment, sprinkle gelatin over 1/2 cup cold water; let stand for 10 minutes. in a medium saucepan, combine sugar, corn syrup, and 1/4 cup water. place saucepan over medium-high heat and bring to a boil; boil rapidly for 1 minute. remove from heat, and, with the mixer on high, slowly pour the boiling syrup down the side of the mixer bowl into gelatin mixture. add salt and continue mixing for 12 minutes.
3. add vanilla extract and vanilla bean seeds; mix until well combined. spray a rubber spatula or your hands with cooking spray. spread gelatin mixture evenly into pan using prepared spatula or your hands. spray a sheet of plastic wrap with cooking spray and place, spray side down, on top of marshmallows. let stand for 2 hours.
4. carefully remove marshmallows from pan. remove all plastic wrap and discard. cut marshmallows into 2-inch squares using a sprayed sharp knife. place confectioners' sugar in a large bowl. working in batches, add marshmallows to bowl and toss to coat.

on with the search

in my last post, i wrote of js and my worries and concerns about having done the right thing by putting an offer on a house. i think we got our answer. the sellers decided to go with the other offer. so this was not the house after all.

it's disappointing but we learned from it and realize that we need to go in with strong offers on any other properties we may fall in love with. we thought we had gone in with a strong offer but the other offer must have been stronger.

now we just have to pick ourselves up, find what's right for us and move on with the search.

what have we done?

what have we done? did we do the right thing for us? are we really sure about this? is this what we really want? these are questions that js and i have been asking ourselves over the last several hours after having put an offer on a house.

we weren't the only offer, but that actually made us feel better about making the offer. maybe we'll have our offer accepted maybe we won't. that will decide whether we've done the right thing for us. we'll hopefully find out today or early tomorrow whether or not our offer has been accepted.

neither of us slept very well last night after making our first offer on a house, knowing that there is another offer but hoping and praying that this was the right decision for us. as of right now, we think it is the right decision.

the house in question is four bedroom, two bathroom, single level house with an amazing backyard. the backyard was a huge selling point for us. we want a place where pbs can play and we don't have to worry about traffic or being in the stroller all the time. the house is not within walking distance to the metro but it is within walking distance to a few buses. we will have to compromise on that but i think for our happiness and safety it's worth it. we would pretty much have to compromise on not being within walking distance to the metro with most houses in our price range.

we will eventually be home owners even if it's not this house. it's all a learning experience. so i guess that's what we have done.

oh the things i have pinned!

oh the things i have pinned! i joined pinterest at the beginning of this year and have done several projects and made several recipes that i've pinned. sometimes i'm not sure if it's more of a waste of time and procrastinating or if it's actually putting real ideas in my head and is useful for tips, recipes, etc.

i have pinned things that i like, like different decorating styles, fashion, books, recipes i want to try and have tried. this might be a good thing in the cooking area, since the kitchen and i have not been friends for so long. we are definitely becoming reacquainted and are almost liking each other, at least to the point that i don't feel like i have to run out after getting a glass of water.

trying all of these different recipes has made me see that i can cook and that i still don't really like to cook but will do it to help out and contribute more for my family. my mom was quite impressed that i was cooking, because she knows my relationship with the kitchen has been a sketchy one at best. js is happy because he doesn't have to do it all the time and is really enjoying all the new recipes. pbs doesn't realize what's happening, but seems to enjoy the fruits of my labor.

i think i've been trying three or four recipes a week so the other nights we have left-overs. we're saving money and feel like we're going out to dinner because we're dining on new treats a few nights a week.

so i guess that pinterest might actually be more than a time waster and is a good thing. maybe i'll share some of my creations on here. (i don't want this to turn into a cooking blog or crafting blog but a few posts here and there would be okay, i think.)

from the mouth of a two year old...

i guess i thought that when pbs started talking he would be saying things like ball, yes, no, eat, etc. i didn't expect him to be saying the names of different dinosaur species, (like tyrannosaurus rex, triceratops, lambiasaurus, just to name a few) hippopotamus and hypothesis.

i didn't even expect him to want to try potty training. i'm glad that he has a sometimes interest in it and am starting to realize that it is going to be a process. a long, long, long process that will be full of humor, messes and struggle but will make us realize how much we love and need each other.

while we were on vacation this past week, pbs asked to use the potty again and mama k and papa b were there to celebrate with us. pretty exciting stuff for a two year old and his parents. pbs told mama k and papa b all about his trains and the dinosaurs on "dinosaur train". they were pretty impressed, and so were we.

it just amazes me how much pbs' two year old brain is soaking up all the time. i wish i felt like i was learning even half as much as he is every day. i guess i need to pay more attention to what he's doing and saying and learn from the mouth of a two year old that way.

more potty talk

pbs came up to me last night and said "potty!" then he took me by the hand and led me to his potty. he proceeded to sit down and use the potty. js and i were very surprised and very happy. we haven't been saying anything about the potty since pbs seemed to lose interest.

i guess that's kind of how potty training goes though, right? we'll have a few good days and then nothing or all diapers for a while and then a surprise like this. i hope we have more instances where pbs wants to do it himself rather than not.

he is only two so i am a little hesitant to start down this road but he's been showing signs of being ready for months. i'm also hesitant to start so early and then have him end up feeling like we're forcing him to do this rather than him wanting to. he's still not quite able to pull his pants down by himself so i know we have a little while before he'll be completely potty trained.

i've always heard that boys are more difficult to potty train than girls. well i have nothing to compare this to, so i don't know if that's true or not. what i do know is that pbs seems ready, according to the books and articles that i've read, but maybe i'm not ready to go full on on this journey. i'll get there soon enough and so will he. but until we both get there, there will always be more potty talk.

saving, shopping, shoes and stuff

so js and i are saving to buy a house. this has been a challenge for both of us, i think...probably more so for me, unfortunately. i like, scratch that, make that love to shop and shopping for shoes could be a very fun, although expensive hobby for me. i have really tried to bring in the reigns on my spending habits. let me tell you it's not been easy! i don't know how good of a job i've really done.

i have my favorite places to shop and so when i'm out and anywhere near one, it seems to have a force field that reaches out to me and pulls me in. i have to admit that i'm not going unwillingly but am going guiltily. shoes seem to be the worst. i can't seem to pass any shoe store without at least just looking. i can look and not buy, it's difficult but i can and have done that very successfully many times. so if one of these excursions is not so successful in the saving department, i feel incredibly guilty and down on myself.

js and i have a rule that if we buy something we have to get rid of two other things that we don't use or need any longer. this method of purging helps when it comes to packing all of our stuff for a move, local or cross country. we tend to get rid of even more when we're getting ready to move. we do this method so that we don't become the focus of the hoarders tv show on tlc.

i guess this purging method is good until we have so many bags and boxes to go to the thrift shop, not enough room in the car to get it there and end up having to make two or more trips. if we keep up with it we probably take three or four boxes of stuff every three or four months. it helps to keep our closets clean and junk free.

potty training...really???

i thought that pbs had begun the journey called potty training last week but now i'm not so sure. he went several times on his potty and we were all very happy and excited. he was telling everybody that he went potty and poop on his potty. i know it is gross, but coming from a 2 year old...he can say pretty much anything and it would be cute.

now he doesn't seem to want anything to do with it. i'm getting a little frustrated because i know that he can do it. so where do i go from here? i don't want to force him and be at war with him over using the potty all the time. we are not rewarding him with anything but praise and love.

he goes into the bathroom while i'm going and he knows what to do but he will stand in the opposite corner and go on the floor. i get upset with him and tell him that we don't do that and that it's bad to do that. then we go put a new diaper on and i tell him why it's wrong to go on the floor. i tell him that i love him and he says he's sorry.

i don't want to start any sort of rewards program and have him expect to get something every time he goes on the potty. maybe when we know that we are finished with this process, we'll give him a reward.

is this how it goes? are we potty training...really?

any suggestions on potty training would be greatly appreciated.

choices and changes

when a new year starts it always seems to be the time to start making changes and choices. whether those changes and choices are physical, emotional, spiritual, life, that's up to each individual.

js and i have made the choice to get back on the hunt for a house again. this would be our first time purchasing a house. we have high hopes that we are trying to keep in check and trying to lower our expectations for our budget. those are changes that we have to make.

other choices and changes that we have made are to not spend as much money. an example of this is that we eat at home almost every day and try not to go out to dinner. although, i've made a choice to try to help with cooking more. now i don't know if i have ever stated here or not, but the kitchen and i are not friends. this is a huge change for me.

i think pbs is starting to tell us that he is ready for potty training. that will be a challenge and change that we will need to face in time. this morning he looked me in the eye and said, "i poopy." it didn't take me long to figure that out on my own either. he just turned two. my question is how do you know if your child is ready to start potty training or not? anyway...i think that's another post all together.

so i guess what i'm trying to say is that there are so many choices and changes that we make every day that maybe i need to look at it as a blessing.

home again...ahhhh

after being away for almost two full weeks, we were ready to be home again and back into a more normal (to us) kind of routine. i love to travel and visit family but it's exhausting at the same time. add into the mix Christmas, new year's and pbs's 2nd birthday and we're pretty tired.

why is it always nice to get away but so nice to come home too? i've been going on family trips for as long as i can remember and while i loved being away, i loved coming home too. the worst part of coming home is unpacking and figuring out the routine again. it seems to take a few days for everything to come back together.

i know that pbs was happy to come home to see js and all of his trains. we walked up to the door and he was very excited and knew he was home. it was so cute to see.

anyway...it's nice to be home again...ahhhh.

thank you!

i'm just so excited to see how many people have been stopping by to see what i have to say! i can't believe that people actually want to read my thoughts and gibberish. i just want to say thank you and i'll keep writing if you'll keep reading!