reflections

i'm ready to move into the new year, slowly but still moving forward. leaving 2012 in my memory is the best thing for me, js and pbs. i am happy to leave the good and bad behind to see what's in store for me, us in the future.

i don't know what the future holds, nor do i want to know now. i can't change it. even if I knew what the future held, i don't think i would want to change it. that would change too many other facets of me, who i am supposed to become. the path that has been laid for me is specific to me. why would i want to change something so important?

there are times when i feel like i'm not worth it, a failure. i try to change my attitude, to be more positive. it works most of the time. other times i wallow in self pity for a while. then i am reminded by pbs or js that i'm not a failure and i am here for a reason. i might not know the reason right now, but i think js and pbs are pretty good reasons.

the last few years have been pretty challenging. i wouldn't be who i am today if i hadn't gone through those experiences. i would not have had the confidence to be a sahm, to start my own mary kay business, to travel by myself. some, if not all, of those experiences made me stronger, more willing to take risks. i hope that one day i understand why js and i had to go through so many losses and hardships. right now i just want to live! i want to reflect, remember and learn from but not dwell on or in the past. so as 2013 quickly approaches, reflect and move forward, learning as you go.