doctors, procedures, understanding life

in a previous post i mentioned having had some issues during october this year. well, i think it's about time for me to talk, share, open up and breathe for a little bit.

in october, js and i experienced another miscarriage. it kind of feels like de ja vou or a really long, horrible dream that i cannot wake up from. today we began the process of trying to find out why this keeps happening. eventually we will probably try again but i don't think i'm ready yet. i'm not sure how much more i can take - physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

i am so blessed to have js and pbs in my life. if/when this happens i seem to shut down for a while, want to curl up in a little ball and crawl into a hole and stay there forever. i know that i can't stay that way forever because i do have people who depend on me. i think i've just been going through the motions of every day life for the past several weeks. i want to be the best mommy and wife i can be for js and pbs, but i know i haven't been lately.

through our process of trying to figure out why, we will have blood tests, (several of which we had today), and visits to my obgyn and the high-risk doctors and whatever other tests may be needed. i know that i want answers but i'm also scared to know that i could be causing this to happen because of some undiscovered, underlying issue that we didn't know about. i guess that's what comes along with knowing.

pray for peace of mind, comfort in knowing and not knowing everything in His time. pray for strength, wisdom, understanding and grace as we find out or don't find out the answers to our questions. pray that we can lean on each other, but also find the strength we need within and from Him.

any interest in mary kay?

i'm trying to figure out how to grow my mary kay business. i've done facials, had skin care classes and color/glamour parties online and in my home and other people's homes. i have a few internet parties going on right now and a multiple vendor open house scheduled for the beginning of december.

i think eventually i would like to have a few team members and maybe even work my way to earning a car. i'm still so new at this that all of that seems pretty far off.

i guess i'm still nervous about approaching people and asking them to try the product. it's kind of difficult when pbs and i are in the house most of the time because of weather or some other form of blockade. i have made connections with some friends and family through phone calls and emails, but i don't want to bother them all the time either.

the need to grow my business is pretty big and daunting to me. i'm not a very outgoing person if i don't know who i'm talking to. i'm rather shy at times, actually. (pbs helps a little with this because he seems to be able to talk to anyone.)

i don't want to be pushy and i try to let my customers decide what is best for them. but at the same time, i'm in this to help support my family. so far, i don't feel like i'm doing a very good job with this part.

(if you're interested in purchasing any mary kay product or other information, let me know. i would love to help in any way i can! my website is www.marykay.com/lynnstraw.)

fun when the storm rolls in

as i'm sure most of the world may know, the east coast of the usa was bombarded by hurricane/super storm sandy/frankenstorm at the beginning of this week.

js, pbs and i lost power for about 12 hours. we made the best of it. we have a gas fireplace, which js figured out how to light and we kept warm from the heat off of that. pbs was a little freaked out at first but js and i made it fun for him and his fears seemed to disappear. we "cleaned the floor" in front of the fireplace by having sock footed races. for dinner we had chips and popcorn, fun stuff for an out of the ordinary kind of night. later in the evening we decided to have a cars 2 slumber party in our bedroom. we brought the ipad with cars 2 on it into our room and the three of us were snuggled up in our bed. pbs slept in our bed that night.

js checked out the house and neighborhood after frankenstorm and everything seemed fine for us. there were a few limbs down but it didn't seem like anything was damaged. that's how we have fun when the storm rolls in.

busy as bees

it's been a long while since i've posted anything. we were really busy the whole month of october. i know it's only going to get more hectic with the holidays coming. we've had some ups and downs this past month. at some point i hope to be able to post about the low points but i just can't bring myself to do it right now. the high points were family and friends visiting, lifting our spirits and caring for us. it was really perfect timing with everything that we had going on in our personal life. our friends and family couldn't have visited at a better time.

js, pbs and i are doing ok now. pbs dressed up as a train engineer for halloween. he was the cutest train engineer i've ever seen! :) js and i took turns walking him around the neighborhood for trick-or-treating. we finally met some more of our neighbors. that was a fun night too.

now we're trying to figure out what to do for Christmas and new year's. i know thanksgiving isn't even here yet! we're trying to figure out if we're going to our family or if we're staying home. it always seems to be so stressful for all involved when we travel for the holidays or any other trips visiting family. i think we'll be home for thanksgiving for the most part.

anyway, i just wanted to let you know that i haven't forgotten or given up on this blog yet. we've just been busy as bees and i haven't had time to post. i will post more soon!