leaving 2011...bringing in 2012

to end 2011 on a good note would be a welcome happening. i think we did end on a good note with Christmas and a visit to far away family over the holidays. js and i took pbs to first night tonight. it was really a great experience and we'd like to participate in it again next year. it was so nice to not feel like we had to be too careful about where we went because first night is a family friendly new year's eve party that starts earlier in the day so that the little ones can get in on some of the fun. there were different venues with music, dancing, food, face painting, story time, etc. it was really great fun.

it's 11:45 pm and i'm realizing that i'm too old to stay up this late anymore. ;)

i don't do resolutions really. i set goals for myself for what i want to accomplish and hope to achieve those goals. so for 2012 i've not yet come up with any real goals except to buy a house, with js of course. i guess that's a pretty big goal that we're on track to achieve. it's really pretty exciting! another goal would be to lose a few pounds and get in shape, but i think that's probably on most people's lists. i like to set a goal of reading one book a week every year, but i have yet to reach that one. i do read an awful lot, but i go in spurts.

we're watching rockin' eve in times square on tv and waiting for the ball to drop so we can go to bed. i hope that 2012 finds you all in good health in mind, body and spirit. happy new year!

merry Christmas!

merry Christmas! i hope time is spent remembering the reason for the season with loved ones, near and far.

it's almost here!

it's almost here! tonight is the only night this week that we have nothing on the calendar. that rarely happens this time of year. we took this past weekend "off" except for js' work Christmas party on friday night. we just relaxed, laid low and took it easy because we knew this would be a busy week.

tomorrow night we sing "handel's messiah" with a mass choir on stage at the kennedy center. saturday morning i have bell practice. i'll come home after that and we'll do Christmas in the afternoon. we'll be at church on saturday night and then again sunday morning to celebrate Jesus' birth. after church we'll go on to see family and endure the chaos that is likely to happen with an almost two year old.

so i guess i'm excited that all of the added, extra craziness of the holidays is almost over and we can get back to "normal". i know that after everything is said and done, there will be a let down period and i will be trying to figure out what i'm supposed to do with myself and pbs.

holiday blues

decorations are mostly up. gifts are purchased and beginning to be wrapped. those are good things, but why do i seem to feel down at this time of year?

i know there are reasons for this and that i can't do anything to change past circumstances. my aunt passed away 16 years ago a few days after thanksgiving. i had a miscarriage three years ago around this time. all of the hustle and bustle gets to me. i like to spend time with my family and we seem to do less of that during the holidays.

there are always so many parties to go to. i think we've had at least one every weekend since the beginning of december, some weekends more. all the planning and budgeting that goes into buying gifts and traveling to the family, just gets to be too much for me sometimes. i'm so thankful for the advent services on wednesday nights at church to calm my spirit and help me to remember what all of this is really about.

now i need to figure out what to do to get out of this funk, these holiday blues.

baseball vs. the reason for the season

i'm a cardinals baseball fan by birth. i don't follow baseball very closely but enough to know when something big is happening...or maybe i just read facebook to find out what's going on... anyway...

albert pujols has made a huge impression on st. louis and baseball in general. he has a restaurant in st. louis called pujols 5. they've erected a statue of him looking towards the heavens. now that he's decided to go to the los angeles angels of anaheim, what will happen to those?

cardinals fans all over are pretty upset and disappointed in albert's decision. most are hurt that he went for more money instead of loyalty, but i can't say that i'm too surprised. but really wasn't it just that, his decision? i can't fault him for that, nor do i know where his heart is/was when he made this decision. i've read a lot of mean spirited comments about his decision on facebook and other articles but one status update on facebook really made me think about the real reason for the season.

my facebook friend said that all she was hearing about this morning was pujols and his decision to go to the angels. she heard it on the radio, at the grocery store, walgreens and from family and friends on the phone. she walked out of walgreens and saw a little girl with her mother, emptying her piggy bank into the salvation army red kettle. that small act of kindness from that little girl made her realize that she had been more concerned with some guy with however many millions instead of the real reason for the season. right then and there she made the decision to talk about the reason for the season and be thankful for what she has.

so to get to my point, there are bigger things happening that have more meaning and reason than some guy going to another baseball team. children are giving there savings to charity and learning this very lesson. Jesus is the reason for the season! 

holiday decorating...update

holiday decorations are still not up and we've been to three holiday parties since the month began. we have at least one per weekend until Christmas day. i'm sure we'll get it done...eventually. i guess i can try to put a little up at a time during pbs' naps or when he goes to bed.

i think we're pretty much finished with Christmas shopping, so i'm not worried about that. i have to wrap everything still, but that might be kind of therapeutic.

pbs' birthday is about two weeks after Christmas and i think we've got that taken care of already too.

now, to start the decorating...

it's that time of year again...holiday decorating

it's that time of year again...actually it was that time of year a couple of months ago for some department stores...but for us it's that time of year again...holiday decorating is here! i have the hardest time getting started on this because i don't want to have to take it down and put it away. it's a chore in an apartment. it's probably a chore in a house, or any space really.

we don't have that much to put up but what we do have seems to take over our space. i don't want to feel like a grinch or a scrooge telling pbs not to touch and stay away from the tree. i think we'll end up putting the top part of the tree on a table like we did last year. it's a smaller tree that way and maybe (that's a big, hopeful maybe!) pbs will leave it alone.

when all the decorations are up, i know that i'll be happy that we put them up. it's just the starting it part that i'm not looking forward to. i know that our apartment will look beautiful with the greenery, the tree and all of the festive trimmings that we've accumulated over the years.

gotta get psyched up to do this! it's that time of year again...holiday decorating...

thankful

i'm thankful for the life that God has given me. i'm thankful for all of the ups and downs, all of the many experiences and happenings. they've made me who i am today. i'm thankful for my family and friends and people i haven't met yet. i'm thankful for js and pbs and for being able to stay home with pbs while js goes to work every day. i'm thankful for the roof over our heads, the food we are able to put on the table and in our tummies, the clothes we wear. i could keep going forever!

the month of november always seems to make people think about what they are thankful for. why is it that people are more thankful during november than the rest of the year? why are we thankful during the month of november but then december comes along and we turn into grinches? instead of becoming grinches, why not remember to thank God for sending His Son, Jesus? Jesus is the reason for the season! that's what i'm most thankful for!

are you ready for the holidays?

ready for the holidays? i think we have most of our christmas shopping finished already, of course there are probably a couple gifts that we need to get later, last minute stocking stuffers, etc. all the ingredients for thanksgiving dinner have been purchased and are thawing, anxiously awaiting their purpose for our family dinner. i need to set up babysitting for pbs for a few nights in december when js and i have functions that do not include kids. our church choirs and bell choirs are gearing up for the season with extra practices, more music and performances.

am i mentally, emotionally ready for the holidays? i'm getting there. i'm more ready, excited for the grandparents' visit this week. i'm still trying to get ready to stay home this year for christmas. we've decided to stay home so we can save money to buy a house. i think we've gone somewhere for almost every christmas since we've been married, except for when i was pregnant with pbs of course. i was too close, about three weeks, to delivering to go too far from home.

pbs is still too young to realize what is going on. we'll skype with the family and see them that way. i know it's not the same, but at least he still gets to see, talk and interact with his grandparents, aunts and uncles.

maybe the hardest part for me is preparing my heart for the season. i think i need to work more on that, rather than getting caught up in the hustle and bustle that is always what seems to get most of my focus. so i ask again, are you ready for the holidays?

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all went smoothly ... thankfully

here's an update from my weekend away ... alone ... with friends but without js and pbs. i think it's something that i need to think about doing more of for myself, by myself.

i had a lot of fun with my friends, shopping, eating and sightseeing. for being nervous about leaving js and pbs over the weekend, i did pretty well. i was anxious at first but seemed to relax as time went on.

i hope that this is something that i feel i can do more of in the future. all went smoothly ... thankfully!

traveling ... alone

this weekend i'm going to boston, ma ... alone ... this will be the first time traveling by myself since pbs was born. i've left him for a few hours or a day at a time but have never been away from js and pbs more than that. i think i'm a little nervous. i'm meeting friends in boston so i won't be all alone.

before we had pbs, i would go on trips with girlfriends a few times a year. since pbs came along, i haven't done any of that. maybe this is exactly what i need. i've been feeling a little claustrophobic lately because of the weather, myself and other excuses. i love being with pbs and js all the time. i think i just need a little more time to myself once in a while.

it's my fault that i'm in this state of mind right now. after feeling like i was single for three years while js went to law school and like a single parent during the time he studied for the bar, i guess i feel like all of our time should be spent together and i have a very hard time doing anything for myself, by myself. it's kind of like we're still getting reacquainted and figuring out this parenting thing together. i'm sure that's hard to understand unless you've been through something similar.

so traveling ... alone ... i'll let you know how it goes!

time management

i read a column from the washington post the other day by carolyn hax (tell me about it) titled, "why don't friends with kids have time?" I'm not sure of the date of the article and couldn't find it when i looked  for it. basically the column talks about how friends change once they have kids and all of their time is spent on the kids and not the friendships that were in place before.

i agree that changes happen but i know that when i didn't have pbs, i was cautious about when to call a friend for fear of waking the kid(s) or bothering my friend while she was busy with whatever. i would send an email instead of call. sometimes that was frustrating because no response would come. i now understand that when you have a free minute you just want to sit and do nothing for a little bit before it's on to the next thing.

i think the same sort of logic that was used in the column could be applied to having only one kid or having more. sometimes difficult situations happen, such as miscarriage, fertility issues, etc. that prohibit and/or prolong the time between kids. in js and my situation, we've been pregnant three times and have one happy, healthy pbs. the other two angels are watching over us and waiting for us in heaven.

i guess what i mean is that people with more that one kid should be a little empathetic, putting themselves in the other persons shoes, and be careful about the way they phrase things. i guess i'm still thinking about what was said over a month ago (maybe i'm still a little sensitive...). i should really let it go. so in a way it all ties together and it comes down to time management.

fall is here!

i'm kind of sad to see summer go. i much prefer warmer temperatures to rain and snow. i do enjoy the colors, pumpkin and apple picking and somewhat slower pace of fall...at least for the next few weeks until thanksgiving kicks off the holiday season.

it's fun to see pbs learning about leaves, pumpkins, apples when we go out. he seems to love to get out and explore with me. most of the time he is stuck in his stroller but he loves to go. we stop by the pond on the Mall or at the potomac in old town alexandria and visit our feathered friends. he laughs at the way they dive for the bread we throw to them, how they are so daring when they come within inches of our feet. i wonder sometimes if the ducks will/would ever take the food from our hands but haven't been brave enough myself to try it.

if it's too cold, we can go to a museum or shopping mall. i try to stay outside most of the time because that time is so limited. i guess i'd better get myself ready for the cold weather that i know is not far behind. fall is here!

mommy's little helper

pbs has started "helping" with the laundry, dishes, nightly trash take out and picking up his books and toys. i'm quite happy that he wants to do this already. although we have to be careful before starting the washer...i found a chubby truck in there the other day.

he likes to hand me the clothes to put into the washer. sometimes he reaches up and throws a sock or something in. after it's washed i separate the air dry and dryer safe clothes. pbs likes to "help" with the air dry clothes that i've hung on the dryer rack. if we're not watching, he'll pull off a piece and run around with it. the other day i wasn't paying full attention and he decided it was a good idea to run around the apartment with a pair of underwear around his neck like a necklace. it was kind of funny, and i did chuckle, but i told him no and hung them back on the rack.

he's been trying to "help" with loading and unloading the dishwasher for several months. he pushes the buttons, pulls out the racks and puts toys in. he does take clean dishes out one at a time and hand them to either js or me to put away.

trash is one of his favorite words. he follows js around every night to gather up all the trash for the nightly pick up. he does like to take the trash out of the can too. we're trying to break him of that...so far not very successfully.

i love mommy's little helper.

potty training...where to start?

so i've been reading up on some different ideas for potty training because pbs is showing signs of being ready. i think i have been dreading this since we found out we were pregnant.

i don't know how a boy goes to the bathroom! what am i supposed to do? some of the articles i've read have said to let him go naked from the waist down. i'm not comfortable with that. i'm thinking about just spending a few days in the bathroom with him. that probably won't work though.

i have heard that boys are harder to train than girls. pbs has been showing signs of being ready for quite a while though. he hates having a wet or poopy diaper and pulls at it when he wants to be trained. he goes off by himself when he's pooping. he's been more interested in the toilet lately, wanting to put toilet paper in it and flush it.

how do i know for sure he's ready? i don't want to force him and end up being miserable for a very long time. we know people who have an almost four year old little boy and they are still trying to get him potty trained. we also know people who have two boys and the older boy was completely trained by three years old. i'd really like for pbs to be completely trained by three years old.

where to start? maybe our next step should be a potty seat, cloth training pants and rubber covers with pull-ups for only at nap time and night. maybe we should have a chart with stickers, a potty dance and a special prize for so many successes. i guess we'll figure it out pretty soon.

scrapes, bruises and the joys of being a mom to a little boy

pbs is normally pretty sturdy on his feet, whether he's walking or running or even climbing. when he gets tired he tends to trip and fall more over his feet.

the other day we were having pictures taken for christmas cards. before the shoot pbs was watching one of his favorite shows, word world, on the studio's tv. he had climbed up onto one of the stools. he wasn't completely on and fell pretty hard, hitting his head on the floor. he cried, which is unusual for him unless he's really tired or it really hurts. i took him and walked him out to see the christmas displays that were already up. he saw mickey mouse and goofy and was his smiling,  laughing self after a few minutes. i always get so worried about concussions and more serious injuries, but he was fine.

then came the shoot. he was somewhat cooperative for most of the session. he came to a point when he was done. i know, turkeys are done and people are finished but pbs was done. we finished and got the shots we wanted.

as pbs was trying to escape. he tripped and caught his cheek on the doorway. he's got a nice scrape and bruise. it just shows that he's all boy i guess.

pbs and i were out a couple days ago and a little boy about four or five years old says to pbs, "i hope your cheek gets better soon." i guess i looked a little confused because the little boy says, "i saw the scratch on his cheek and i hope it gets better." i was so touched. so i guess the scrapes and bruises are just part of the joy of being a mom to a little boy.

are we giving up nap-time?

i put pbs down for a nap at 11 am, which is pretty close to normal. he fussed, kicked his crib and cried for an hour and a half! that is not normal. normally he will "fuss" until he gets comfortable in his crib. that's usually 20 minutes to half an hour. i finally went in to see what was going on. he had thrown his blankets out of his crib, he was so mad. i picked him up, after trying to cover him back up, and rocked him back and forth for a couple minutes. he was still upset and sniffling but i could tell he was tired because he "assumed his sleepy position" and put his head on my shoulder.

i hope this is not the beginning of the end of nap-time! i'm not ready for that! i need my down time and somewhat alone time. this could be a very sad and hard time for me.

pbs has now been out for an hour and a half. maybe i need to think about getting up earlier and moving his nap-time to later in the afternoon. i'm not sure if i'm ready for that either. i will do what needs to be done though giving up nap-time is not really an option that i want to consider.

maybe i'm still a bit sensitive...

i was sitting with a group of women the other night and the topic of children came up. (as is normal when most of the women are parents who are sitting around the table.) one comment that was made has stuck with me but also really stung when it was made.

i guess maybe i'm still a bit sensitive to these kinds of discussions. we were talking about how the women with more than one child try to spread their attentions evenly between each child. one woman stated that it was hard to do with her kids because one has some developmental issues and the other does not. the one without thinks that they need to go to the same sort of appointments that the one with has to go to. how do you tell your child that they don't have the same needs as their sibling(s)?

another woman stated, "that's why you have to have more than one. just when you think you've got parenting all figured out something else happens to knock you down." this is the comment that really stung. having been pregnant three times and lost two of those, it's a sensitive area for me. there were a couple other women around the table that have lost pregnancies, have had issues with fertility and have adopted, and have decided that maybe children aren't in the cards for them. i think the woman who said this should have thought about what she was saying and the company in which she was saying it.

how do you think i felt? i couldn't even say anything. i was too struck dumb by what was implied. it felt like she was saying that if you didn't or couldn't have a second child you're not worth much as a woman. maybe i'm still a bit sensitive about these things right now.

reflections

with all of the september 11 memorials, it's kind of hard not to think about life and where we've been over the past 10 years. on 9/11/01 i was getting ready to go to work at a department store when i saw what had happened. i had switched days with someone so they could go to the doctor. it had happened about an hour earlier since i was still living in the mid-west at that point. i turned on the tv to watch my morning regis and kelly and i couldn't believe what i saw. the second plane had just hit the second tower. i was glued to the tv.

i called my fiance, js (now husband), but he was in grad school and had class at that time. i called my mom. i normally called her at least once a day with wedding planning, but this day was different. normally we were happy and laughing. this day we were both in tears. she tried to calm me down but i don't think she was very successful.

i still had to go to work. the shopping mall was pretty deserted. mall security and management decided to close the mall for the rest of the day. i went home. i turned on the tv but couldn't watch anymore of the footage.

a friend and i went to a small italian restaurant in the middle of the afternoon. i forced myself to eat something. if i'm stressed or upset i completely lose my appetite. we were the only people there except for the staff. everybody seemed to be walking around in a fog. we drove by the wal-mart and a gas station. there was a run on gas. the lines at the gas station were so long. i don't think i've ever seen anything like that before.

that night we were celebrating js's birthday at his parents' house. there was a prayer service at church. i wanted to go because i knew people in nyc. i wasn't as familiar with the city as i am now and was scared that something had happened to them too. i  went to my brother's place and spent time with him.

i don't like remembering all of these details of that day. they are engraved on my brain and i am stuck with them. i wished that their was something i could do to help but knew there was nothing. i prayed. i was and am terrified that it could happen again. now even more so than then because of where we live. i know that i have to just live every day and not worry or dwell on what could happen.

why do these reflections hurt so much 10 years later?

no more rain, is that too much to ask?

after hurricane irene last weekend, we didn't need anymore water of any sort on the east coast. we finally saw the sun and blue skies today for the first time since monday! it was only for a few hours and i was nervous about getting out and possibly getting stuck in a torrential downpour. so pbs and i stayed home for the fourth or fifth day in a row. that will drive anyone crazy!

i don't see how people in seattle do it. i was going crazy after about  a day and a half of being stuck in our apartment. i much more prefer to get out and go. There's only so much disney channel, "brown bear, brown bear what do you see?", "head, shoulders, knees and toes" and "the itsy bitsy spider" i can take.

i thought about building an ark but decided not to test god. i guess we're through this until the next time. we had some leaks in our apartment. one that looked like a waterfall from the ceiling for a while. one right over our bed. maintenance came to "assess the damage" today. so all i want is no more rain, is that too much to ask?

are we finished with the disasters for a while?

i'm a bit tired of all the excitement we've had lately regarding the weather and hot water heater. as far as i can tell from the forecast we have nice weather and lower temperatures for at least the next week. yay!

i'm looking forward to cooler temps. who would have thought that i would want cooler weather? i love summer! i guess i'm just done with the 100+ temps, earthquakes and hurricane season. although hurricane season may not be done with me since it goes until november

i think we're finally finished with the hot water heater issues. we have hot water! the carpet people "fixed" the carpet. really, they just put padding down and called it good. they tacked it down in our bedroom but not in the living area! i'm so tired of this apartment management company! they don't seem to care about their property the way the previous management company did. it takes so much longer to get anything fixed! so i hope and pray that we are done with the disasters for a while.

tornadoes, hurricanes and earthquakes...oh my!

the weather over the last few months has been interesting to say the least. there have been tornadoes ripping through the middle of the country. i'm thankful that my family and friends have all been safe and unharmed.

we had a 5.8 earthquake today. i thought we were back on the west coast again! i had to check my driver's license to see where i lived. pbs was a bit freaked out but that was either because he was sitting in his high chair when the apartment started shaking or he saw my face and the way i reacted. i'm not sure either how all of his lunch ended up on the floor. he had already thrown in on the floor, the quake had shaken it off of his high chair tray and plate or i knocked it on the floor when i frantically pulled him out of the chair to get in a doorway. our water heater or a pipe attached to it broke and flooded our place and the three apartments below us. luckily, maintenance was on it within ten minutes of the quake.

facebook, twitter, texts, cell phones were all going crazy with the news of the earthquake. i couldn't get through to js and he couldn't get through to me on the phone but we were able to text and let each other know that we were ok. my brother texted me within about 10 to 15 minutes.

now we're waiting to see where irene's going to hit and preparing to possibly be without power, water, etc. for a while.

tornadoes, hurricanes and earthquakes...oh my!

help please.

i'm trying to figure out this blogging thing. i haven't done any looking to find sites that give outlines or guidelines on how or what to write, link, add pictures, etc. help please.

how do i link to another blog? help please. any suggestions on topics, ideas, etc. would be very much appreciated. help please. how do i add pictures? help please. of what should i add pictures? help please.

i read a few other blogs that are pretty interesting and seem to be able to keep my attention and so i keep reading them. how can i improve on what i'm already doing? help please. i would like to have more humor and fun stuff rather than always being so serious. help please.

so i guess i'm asking for some input, suggestions, etc. help please.

when life gets in the way

it's been quite a while since i've posted anything on here. summer, vacations, reunions, weddings, personal issues, family, family, family! when life gets in the way.

what do you do when life gets in the way? i tend to get swept away with the hectic pace of everyday life. i wish i could separate or compartmentalize better in my mind. that doesn't always happen and life sweeps me off my feet and takes me for a wild ride for a while.

i'm almost to a point right now where i feel like i can stand on my own two feet again. i know life will happen and i'll get swept back in but for now i'm okay. i feel like i can breathe for a minute or two and not be under the piles that life has been heaping on us lately.  i guess sometimes life just decides that it will take over and when i realize that it's getting in my way, it's too late and i have to ride the wave for a while.

so hopefully i can get back on a more regular schedule of posting on here.

"lazy" days of summer

so in the past couple weeks, pbs and i have been trying to keep cool and keep busy and out of trouble. not easy to do with 100 degree temps, heavy humidity and a busy-body toddler who gets into everything. last week we got out four days during the week, two of which we had the car.

(the car's air conditioner broke on the hottest day we've had so far. it made a horrible rattling noise and blew hot air. if it had be blowing cool/cold air, i think i could have dealt with the noise. js took the car in to the dealer to be fixed on saturday. they fixed it and it's better than before! yay!)

the two days pbs and i were out in the car we had all of the windows down to try to stay somewhat cool. didn't work so well. we went to target to get cool...both days.

thursday we took the metro on downtown to pick up our shirts and bibs for the susan g. komen race for the cure. it was about 10 to 15 degrees cooler than the previous two days, so we took a walk on the Mall.

we met some friends, who were in town for an eighth grade trip on friday. we walked on the Mall and met them at the american history museum. we saw the trains, dorothy's ruby red slippers, the muppets, the first ladies dresses and the musical instrument room. they had dinner plans. pbs and i ,headed home. js was home when we walked in the door. we all went to bed somewhat early because saturday was going to be a very busy day.

saturday would prove to be a very busy, hectic day. we got up and moving by 6:15 am to get downtown for the susan g. komen race for the cure. we woke pbs up so that we could get him ready to go to the race. we were all in our shirts, even pbs had a onesie with the pink ribbon on it. waiting for the metro to leave the station took half an hour because they were doing track maintenance. when we finally pulled out of the station, we found out we had to switch trains because they were running single track from our stop to old town. we changed to a yellow line train after waiting a few minutes.

of course with all of our waiting we were a little late for the start of the walking part of the race, but we joined in at almost the beginning. lots of pictures were taken of the sea of pink. there were many groups and teams that participated, but the best name had to go to a team called "walkers for knockers". js and i got a kick out of that. there were over 40,000 people running and walking.

after we finished, we fought our way upstream to capitol south metro station. we got off at old town to get some lunch, hurried back to the station to wait forever for our train home. when we got home, js was picked up by the shuttle to get the car and i had to get ready to go to the sounds sweet bell concert that i was ringing in later in the day. pbs went down for a short nap.

we all left for the rehearsal before the concert. pbs and js went and got some food and came back for the concert. pbs watched and listened to some of the concert and played in the nursery for the rest. after was the "sweet" part of the concert, an array of christmas desserts! there was taking down of the bell tables and platforms that had been built the week before. the ringers plus a few went out celebrate the end of the year. we finally got home about 10:30 pm and crashed.

i don't think we really have "lazy" days of summer.

weekend at the beach

js had a conference in the outer banks of nc over the weekend. we all drove down friday and drove home yesterday. while at the conference, js was able to make some good connections. pbs and i hung out in the room and on the beach.

when we arrived at the resort on friday, we knew we would be switching rooms on saturday because of the way it had been set up by one of the assistants in js' office. we checked in, took our stuff to the room, took a quick walk on the beach and then got ready for the first dinner of the conference. dinner was on the sound side of the island, so we saw some of the sunset, something we hadn't really seen in about a year.

after dinner, we came back to a hot and sticky 80 degrees in the room. js let the concierge know and they sent maintenance up to try to fix it. maintenance came to the room twice. they weren't able to fix it. they moved us to the room we were going to be in for saturday night. it was a huge suite with a loft. amazing!

saturday morning js had his conference meeting. pbs and i were in the loft area of the room. pbs was being his normal, all boy self when he tripped and caught his cheek and eye on the padded bench at the foot of the bed. his cheek is scraped and his eye is a little red and puffy. i was trying to get us both ready and stop him from making a phone call to japan on the room phone, when he decided he was going to try going down the stairs. he can go up stairs no problems. down is another story. as he started to take the first step down, i was racing over to catch him but was not fast enough. i watched him tumble and slide down the 20 hard-wood steps. i was screaming and he was screaming but nobody knocked on the door to see if there was anything wrong. i had to calm myself down, check him out and calm him down. amazingly, the only scratch was the one he had gotten earlier that morning. there were no other scrapes, scratches, bruises, broken bones or blood of any sort.

the room had a balcony looking out over the parking lot to the sound. i took pbs out there and that helped to calm us both down. it was the only thing i could think of. living on the fourth floor in our apartment building we have a balcony and i have taken pbs out on it to calm him down many times. pbs loves to watch the cars and traffic go by. i guess he is a boy.

after all of that excitement, i decided we would go down to the beach for some fun in the sun. pbs and i walked on the beach. he played and explored the sand. loving every minute of it. we had to leave the beach to meet js for lunch with the rest of the group and pbs had a diaper that needed changing.

when we got back to the room i texted js to let him know what had happened. i didn't text him right away because i was too hysterical and nothing good ever comes from that. i let him know we were both okay and getting ready for lunch. js came back to the room and helped me finish up the last minute things that i needed to get done.

after lunch we all went and played on the beach. pbs has been in both oceans, pacific and atlantic, and he's not even a year and a half old! he loves the sand but hated water.

sunday we packed up and headed home. we stopped at kitty hawk and visited the wright brothers for a little bit. we stopped at cape hatteras light house and saw the beautiful vast views. we drove home and collapsed from being so tired. fun was had by all. i can do without the excitement of potential danger and injury.

forgetfulness, that wasn't in my job description!

i know it has been a while since i posted anything, until today that is, but i am either lazy or busy depending on the time of day and/or night. our laptop died as i told you in a previous post, so the desktop is upstairs in the loft. with a busy 16 month old, it's difficult to find the time when i'm not too exhausted and want to sit in front of the tv or read a book for myself, too busy with playing or reading to pbs, or out and about enjoying the nice weather, when it's here.

this week it's been pretty stormy, so we've stayed in. last week it was beautiful and warm all week so we got out every day. sometimes i wonder where my head is because i've been kind of forgetful lately. in the last month or so i've left the diapers and wipes at home twice! how is it that i know that i need those things the most but yet those are what i leave behind?

once we were downtown on the Mall and i realized that i needed to change pbs. i discovered that i didn't have the diapers and wipes with me. cvs here we come! as luck would have it we were only a couple blocks from the nearest cvs.

the second time we were on our way to the zoo when i looked under the stroller for some reason and realized that i didn't have the diapers and wipes. we were only half way to the metro station so that's not quite as bad. we walked back home, got pbs out of the stroller, ran up the four flights of stairs to our apartment, found the diapers and wipes and headed out the door again. i strapped him back into the stroller and we were on our way for the second time that day.

i guess maybe i need to write everything down that i need every day like i do for packing for a trip or for a to-do list. maybe i need to find something more to keep my mind working so that i'm not so forgetful. i don't remember forgetfulness being in my job description though.

day at the zoo...isn't that every day?

so a few days ago pbs and i went to the national zoo. we took the blue line to the red line and got off at woodley park/zoo station. we hiked, maybe i should say, i hiked and pbs enjoyed a pleasant ride up the hill to the zoo. we saw the pandas, elephants, lions, tigers and bears, oh my! the monkeys, gorillas and apes were the most active, unless you count some of the other people that were there.

we shared a lunch in panda plaza and sat at a long picnic table with another family. we were looking for someplace to sit and eat and a little girl, about 4 years old, asked if we would like to sit at their table. i said yes, please and thank you and sat down to start our lunch. pbs and i were laughing at something, when i heard the grandmother of the little girl tell her to stop whatever she was doing. the grandmother, mother and older son were pretty rough in the way they treated the little girl. i didn't see what she was doing but when they started yelling at her to stop i looked up. she was sitting at the table just eating her lunch, from what i saw. the older son said something to the effect of if you don't stop i'm going to come over there and carry you to the car! he went over and picked her up by the wrists and started carrying her that was.

i was appalled but didn't say anything because i was trying to mind my own business since i didn't see what started it all. by this point the little girl is crying and the mother, grandmother and older son are saying they're going home and she is going to her room. the mother and grandmother were kind of like drill sergeants and the older son was trying to be the "good" son and carrying out their orders. the little girl looked so sad. maybe they should have been in the cages for all to view.

i guess everybody has different ways of parenting. some are definitely more extreme than others. js and i are not perfect parents and have never claimed to be but i hope and pray that i never treat my child that way in private or in public.

news and everyday life...how do they mix?

the royal wedding. bin laden killed. such big headlines compared to what i have to say about my life.

pbs and i watched the royal wedding. although we did not get up early to watch, we did watch it over and over with all the times it was running. i loved her dress! i was so glad that it was simple, elegant and true to her style. i guess i am of the opinion that less is more. prince william and catherine really embodied that in their choices for the ceremony, the dresses of the bride's maids, the flowers, etc. she seems very confident in her new roll in the royal community. prince william and catherine seem to be very in love. it's so nice to see that in today's society.

js and i were watching one of the programs we watch on sunday evenings when the breaking news of bin laden being killed came on. at first i said "yay! finally!" then i asked, "who's next? what happens now?" we have tried to not have the news of this on when pbs is around. he wouldn't understand, but the pictures may give him nightmares. i know that i don't want to see them. we have the disney channel and hgtv on more than anything. those are pretty tame channels with 16 month old appropriate content.

the laptop has gone to electronics/technology heaven. thankfully, js was able to have all of our data retrieved. we now need to decide if we can afford to purchase another laptop and/or an ipad. both would come in very handy, especially on short road trips and vacations. i think we could do it, but that is my thought on pretty much everything...just go for it. that's not always the best way to think. i realize that there can be, and often are consequences for thinking this way.

so this brings me to my question for you. how do you tell your kids about major events that they may see on the news, talk about in school, etc.? here's a link to a blog http://the-dg.blogspot.com/2011/05/my-911-experience-at-dover-air-force.html i read about how a dad told his 5 year old daughter about bin laden. pretty scary stuff if you ask me. please leave comments and tell me how you handle the tough news headlines. 

everything happens in threes or fours or fives or...

over the past week my parents were in town to celebrate easter and spoil pbs. the previous week js got a $92 ticket for "failure to pay full attention while operating his vehicle". we then received one in the mail for $250 from the dc dmv for going 11 miles over the speed limit and not paying within the allotted time. this one was taken by a camera and we did not receive any prior notice that we were going to be fined. js is fighting this one. on good friday, js hit a parked car. he left a note with all our information for the owner of the car but we have not heard anything from them. js called our insurance agent and had them check our car out yesterday. they told us it was $1,000 in damage but we would only have to pay $400. thank god for insurance!

one day while my parents were here we were playing a game in our apartment that we refer to as "window ball". the object is to get at least one ball stuck on the ledge of the window, which is 20+ feet up, and then try to get that ball down without breaking the window in the process. js and my parents were having a great time playing "window ball" when a glass of water spilled on the laptop. i was keeping pbs occupied and out of the way of the flying balls. we dried the laptop off and tried it to see if it worked. it did so we went on about our evening. there were bad storms that night. the next morning my dad tried to use the laptop and it didn't work and hasn't worked since that night of "window ball". js is going to take it to the geek squad this weekend.

is god telling us to slow down?  or to not look at buying a house right now? or is he telling us that we need to get a new computer? we do need a new computer but haven't wanted to spend the money to get one yet. we aren't sure right now what he's telling us but i'm sure we'll figure it out soon enough. we have been looking at houses in the last couple of months, so far we haven't found one that we love.

while my parents were in town, my aunt, uncle and some cousins were visiting some other family in the midwest. on their way home, they were in a single car roll-over accident. all were shaken up but fine. my aunt was taken to the hospital for observation and testing. she's fine too. they are all safe at home now. their car is totaled.

to me, this really puts into perspective what is important in life. people are most important. things are replaceable; people are not. this is how i try to live my life knowing that things are just things and i can change my mind about what i have and want. but people are irreplaceable and most important to me. i've lost too many friends and family members to think any differently.

in the last couple of weeks we've had our share of inconveniences and mishaps but if something more had happen to my family i would have been devastated. my parents flew home yesterday. they had a slightly bumpy flight due to the storms that are coming our way but they are home safe now.

can i take a "sick day"?

it seems that if js or pbs get sick they have the option of feeling sick. if i get sick i feel sick but have to keep going. i guess that's the life of a sahm or of any mom. i know there's been at least one time when both pbs and i were sick and js was able to work from home. i am very thankful for that kind of flexibility in his work and with his employers.

pbs was running a slight fever yesterday and has had a very runny nose for the past couple of days. we're all suffering from allergies. but pbs has the added pleasure of teething with his two eye teeth starting to pop through and maybe a couple more molars. poor kid's cheeks are so red, splotchy and dry from eczema. we coat him with cream and lotion and sometimes his cheeks look like they are sun or wind burned. they don't seem to bother him too much though. he's been scratching his eyes a lot too...but maybe that's because he need's a haircut. i've been a chicken, putting it off and not wanting to cut it myself. js wanted to wait until grandma and grandpa got here for easter so they could see pbs' long hair.

grandma and grandpa arrive today for easter. i think i will take a "sick day" or afternoon and/or evening while they are here. they've offered to watch pbs while js and i go out one day or night. i'm sure they wouldn't mind a little more time with him.

i can remember my dad taking "sick days" once in a while when he wanted to spend more time with the family. that was always fun. maybe we need to have more "sick days" as a family. i think i'll make that suggestion to js. let's schedule a few "sick days" this summer when we can have fun as a family.

getting back to "normal"

over the weekend we did some "normal" things as a family. we did the weekly cleaning and straightening of the apartment, some laundry, grocery shopping, dinner out with friends, went to church. some things were out of the ordinary but are becoming more normal all the time, such as looking at houses, going to a park to have pictures taken, riding a train and a carousel.

js and i were talking about some stuff and came to the conclusion that we're still adjusting to life after law school with a toddler in tow. it's a pretty big adjustment really. we went from being a couple on the east coast to living as roommates who said good morning and good night to each other for three years to having a baby and feeling like a single parent at times on the west coast to becoming a family back on the east coast. we're not just adjusting to life in a new part of the country but also trying to get reacquainted and figuring out how to be a couple again..

what ever anybody says about law school not changing you, they are wrong! law school changes and effects all who are involved, the students, girlfriends/spouses/significant others, even the kids. luckily pbs didn't know any different since he was born three days before js' final semester started. there was a group of girlfriends/spouses/significant others that called ourselves "law school widows" because our other halves were always studying either at home or in the library. we had to have that support system to get through. we didn't get together very often but knew we could call or email or facebook just to vent if needed.

now after three years of being roommates, we're finding it challenging to figure out who we are as a couple and a family. so while doing things like going to the park, grocery store, etc. may seem like simple every day things to most people, for us it feels good to be doing something "normal". js and i are getting reacquainted and starting feel more "normal" too. pbs just goes about his "normal" business of pulling all of his toys out and all of his and some of our books off the shelves. it feels good to feel almost "normal" again.

the wonders of technology

living on either coast has its advantages and disadvantages. advantages would include beaches within a few minutes to hours' drive, more opportunities for advancement in careers, more career options, playing tourist in historical and fun places...i could go on but i won't. some disadvantages would be grandparents are far away (no babysitters on call whenever we have a need), we have to travel to see family, family and friends have to travel to see us (this could be both), cost of living is much higher. so i guess it all evens out but that's not what this post is about.

the wonders of technology have brought us closer and taken us farther than ever thought possible. we are connected by cell phones, facebook, blogs, skype. family and friends can be seen and heard from more frequently but in an indirect way through facebook. grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends can all watch pbs grow through pictures and video i've posted on facebook. we can all chat on the phone several times a week or not at all depending on how schedules match up. they can read about our adventures and what we are doing on this blog. they can see how active and tornado-like pbs is over the computer with skype. it's all so amazing to me!

i can remember being in elementary school and my dad coming home saying that some day we were going to have phones that had screens on them so we could see the person we were talking to. now we do! i know that my grandfather had a cell phone when he was 87 and some family members being amazed at how well he could use it because they had trouble turning on a computer.

the wonders of technology are just that wonders. it seems like the only people i talk to sometimes are the people working the register in a store or twice a week at church. js had the pleasure of talking to one of our county's finest yesterday when he was pulled over for "not paying full attention while operating his vehicle". he said the "officer" was rude and not willing to answer questions. the "officer" then proceeded to "forget" to give back his driver's license. js asked for it back and the "officer" took several minutes to find it and bring it back. finally upon bringing the license back, the officer said, "good thing you asked for that back. otherwise i would have had to pull you over for driving without a license"! seriously! the "officer" didn't show any id to js to let him know that he was an actual officer. shouldn't that be a given? where did the "officer's" people skills go? the wonders of technology have struck again. 

so instead of trying to catch up with everybody on facebook, call or skype and get out , talk and work on your people skills! quit reading this and give the wonders of technology a break for a few days.

nap time becomes my time...to do everything else

when pbs was first born i couldn't get anything done because i was limited in what i could do. when he was two months old i went back to work and js studied at home a few days a week. i would come home after work and take over the evening shift while js went to class and the library. one day a week pbs went to a friend's house who watched a couple of other kids and had three of her own. js and i switched nights so that one of us was able to get some sleep.

the move across the country when pbs was just four months old was interesting and challenging. we stayed someplace different almost every night, visited many of our friends and family along the way, saw 14 of the 50 states and much of their beautiful countryside. pbs and i would sleep while js drove. js would sleep at night and i would get up with pbs at least once a night. this worked well for all of us.

when we finally got moved into our new east coast home, js would go to class/study/library like he did on the west coast. pbs and i stayed home. we would venture out sometimes but it all seemed to revolve around nap time(s). pbs was taking three naps at one point, but is now down to one long nap.

now we seem to have a system. pbs and i try to get out a couple times a week, depending on the weather of course. some weeks we get out more than others. it all evens out. if we get out before his nap time, i consider that to be a pretty successful day. he may stay awake until we are on our way home or he may fall asleep while we are on our way to wherever we decide to go for the day. i'm not too strict about his nap times. i know that he needs to take a nap but he's pretty good about letting me know when he's tired. he doesn't get cranky or crabby. if we're home, he crawls up in my lap and rubs his eyes about the same time every day. i put him in his crib and listen for a few minutes until i know for sure that he's asleep. that's when my time starts.

i can grab a quick shower, some lunch, start the laundry, pick up some toys, books and cheerios, straighten up a little, maybe do some dishes, look/dream on my favorite stores' websites for things that i want/need, even play on this blog some. i know that i have at least an hour, sometimes as much as three hours but he seems to be averaging an hour and a half to two hours lately. that's how i spend my time...and now nap time has come to an end.

tourist season

js and i fondly refer to the middle of march through the beginning of september as tourist season. sometimes we joke that it's similar to hunting/fishing/insert your seasonal hobby here season and there is a point system for rating the novice to the savvy tourist. js and i also refer to tourist season as our b&b or our revolving door. but really, tourist season is kind of fun for us because that's when our family and friends come to visit and we get to play tourist with them.

we've had friends in town for conferences since the middle of march, friends visiting over the weekend, family coming in about a week for easter. it's fun to be able to show off our capitol city to our friends and family. so starts tourist season in the nation's capitol. but it's not just here where it's tourist season. i know that we have trips planned for a weekend in nyc sometime before the end of august, back to the midwest for a family reunion and cousin's wedding, maybe back to az/ca to see friends and family.

today pbs and i are taking it easy this morning but are going to get out this afternoon, since it's supposed to be near 90 degrees. maybe we'll just go down to the pond and feed the ducks, i'll figure that out eventually. tomorrow is supposed to be rainy and in the 60s, so we'll stay home and relax then. maybe later in the week we'll try a couple of the museums.

i'm kind of an on the go all the time kind of person and may take it too far sometimes. i don't always realize that some people like to take things much slower and don't have to have something going every second of the day. i guess my dad's planning gene has rubbed off on me. i like to go, go, go and when we have visitors staying with us i want them to be able experience and see as much as possible.

not everybody is like me. many tourists want to take their time. others seem to get bored and get into trouble. this is the reason for the point system for rating the tourists and why we fondly refer to this time of year as tourist season.

retail therapy needed

before pbs was born , i was a "retail therapy" specialist. some people even referred to me as their "personal shopper". after pbs was born, i was home with him for the first couple of months. i went back to work until we moved in may 2010. sometimes after work i was able to stop at the mall before going home and would get a little "retail therapy" time. now, i can't remember the last time i had a successful retail therapy session without having pbs with me.

i don't want to pay for a babysitter so that i can have a retail therapy session. that could get pretty expensive. i feel like the weekends should be for family since js works all week and pbs and i are out and about playing tourist. so i don't feel right having js watch pbs, although he would and could. family time is very important to me. sometimes we end up going to the mall and other times we end up going to the Mall. i just don't feel right going to the mall for family time and that means that i am in need of some retail therapy.

how do i figure this out? how do i get over my guilt of leaving pbs and js alone on the weekend? maybe i need to schedule some me time and have that include retail therapy, maybe a hairapy session, girls' time, etc. maybe i need to schedule that time for one or two times a month. wouldn't i be a better mom if i had some time to myself?

retail therapy needed. a couple of casual-throw-on-whenever-dresses, some jeans, some cute tops, shoes, sandals, etc. the last time i bought any clothes for myself was in january! i was just replacing two tops that i already had. i did buy a cross-body bag in a fun, bright coral color a couple of weeks ago, but that was after much searching and researching online, at least a couple of months worth i'd have to say. i had pbs with me and he was getting hungry and impatient so there wasn't any shopping or browsing after that purchase had been made.

i guess my biggest hurdle will be getting over the guilt that i feel about leaving pbs. maybe that comes with the territory of being a mom or from having lost a baby early on. maybe i think nobody else can watch him better than i can. whatever the issue is, retail therapy is definitely needed.

spring cleaning

it's that time of year again when we go through the house and clean from top to bottom, making it look and smell fresh and clean. but how else do we go about doing "spring cleaning"? cleaning out closets. making new goals and trying for new beginnings with the birth of spring.

i dread cleaning and spring cleaning is no different. i guess i feel like it's a bigger job than it has to be. it doesn't help when it's gray and rainy outside. i know that when spring cleaning comes along i either go deeper into my winter blues or try to schedule other things, just pushing it off until a later time. that doesn't help any either.

my own issues with spring cleaning are deep rooted in my mind. i associate spring with new beginnings and new life. so in a way, i should be happy that it's spring cleaning time. but i'm not.

i went through a really dark period a couple of years ago after living through wild fires, not knowing if we would have a place to live and losing a baby at the beginning of the second trimester. i felt like nothing would ever be "good" again. i think it took me about four or five months to finally get to a place where i could say enough wallowing in self pity and get on with my life. i still think about that time sometimes and probably will forever, but i did get through it.

we had an orange grove behind where we lived that we had to drive past to get to our home. i felt like my mood and state of mind matched the way the orange grove looked after the fires. at first i was very withdrawn and felt very alone. js was with me but had other things that were, not necessarily more important, but more pressing at the time with school. a very good friend was there for me too and that helped immensely to be able to talk to somebody. the orange grove was gray and broken looking and that's how i felt.

as months and time went by the orange grove started to sprout new growth. my mood and state of mind started to lift and i could start to see the light. i realized that fires happen and miscarriages happen for reasons that i don't know and cannot control. maybe some day i will know why those things happened but i'm not dwelling on them anymore.

then when spring cleaning time came, we found out we were expecting again. we were cautiously excited and waited to tell family and friends until after we made it past where we were with our first pregnancy. it was not an easy pregnancy to say the least. there were many complications and concerns along the way but it was a successful pregnancy. we now have a very active, healthy, fifteen month old son, pbs. so i guess in our case, spring cleaning helped us to move forward.

happy spring cleaning!

change happens

seasons change. hair colors change. fashions change. people change. friendships change. life changes, i should know since i am a full-time sahm. why is it so hard to realize sometimes that everything is changing?

growing up in the midwest, we saw the seasons change every year, like clockwork. we changed grades every year, possibly teachers and classrooms changed too. we change clothes out for the season and when we've outgrown them. but still it's hard to accept change sometimes.

four years on the east coast, three years on the west coast and now back on the east coast...that's a lot of change to deal with. the first four years on the east coast were filled with changing jobs, changing apartments, changing friends, changing life goals. the three years on the west coast were filled with changing roles in our marriage, changing ideas about having a family, changing the way i think about life. now back on the east coast and i'm still figuring out the changes that have taken place in the last several years.

i realize that change is in everything but to accept those changes is another thing. all of these changes happen for different reasons. i don't know what those reasons are, but i hope to see more change to learn those reasons. so for now, i will accept that change happens.

daily choices of a sahm

having moved coast to coast and back in the last four years, you'd think i could make a decision about what to do with pbs during the day. i mean, i was able to help in contributing to the decision to make those moves and several others. i have a college degree, so i know i can deal with challenging situations. but trying to decide what to do with a fourteen month old seems to be another story.

we live across the street from a shopping mall and not far from the metro. we do get out and go, so it's not like we sit in front of the tv all day long. although, some days that does happen...especially when the weather's not so good. we do watch "world world", "dinosaur train" and "chuggington". those seem to be his favorites. PBS and disney channel are our friends. the tv is on more for background noise than anything else. we read books over and over and over and over...his favorite is eric carle's "brown bear, brown bear what do you see?" between reading books, learning how to feed himself, playing with his toys and napping there doesn't seem to be much time for anything else some days.

we metro into old town alexandria, pentagon city, arlington cemetery, the national mall, tidal basin, etc. we go to museums, shops, parks. pbs gets to interact with other kids some in the nursery at church once a week. he seems to love being around the other kids and all the toys once he gets over the fact that we've left him for a little bit. i worry a little that he's not around other kids enough but i don't know how to fix this. i guess eventually he will get over being left in the nursery or with a babysitter. for now, we just feel bad for the the babysitters and nursery volunteers.

maybe the museums, shops, parks, etc. are more for me but i think that's ok. i need to be able to have adult conversation with other women and with js. it's been an interesting challenge to try to figure out but we're getting there. it's all in the daily choices we make.