how long until i'm me again? or at the very least, feel like myself again? it's been four years and a couple of months since i had the first miscarriage. since then, i've had pbs and four more miscarriages.
most of the time, i feel like i'm just going through the motions of every day life, trying to pass as a living person and not someone dwelling on the losses. it's difficult not to dwell on the losses when they happen so close together. four of the five losses have been in the last year and a half.
i've had people ask if it's a fertility issue, autoimmune issue, etc. nobody knows. the doctors don't think it's a fertility issue, since i seem to be able to get pregnant without any problem. i just can't seem to keep the pregnancy past a few weeks. js and i have done all of the tests for the autoimmune issues and those all came back normal. the doctors can't seem to figure it out either. pbs is definitely our miracle!
i had one doctor actually say that it was just bad luck. i can't accept that because we do have pbs. (he's a healthy, happy, thriving three year old. rambunctious and stubborn, but i'm sure he gets that from his daddy. ;) just kidding! he gets a fair share of stubbornness from me as well.)
so this year i've decided that i'm going to try to relax more for myself and for my family. i need to take more time for myself and not always surround myself with js, pbs and other people. i think i need to let myself, mind, body and spirit, heal before i/we make any decisions or take any action one way or another. maybe then i will be me again, feel more like myself again.
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