2013 has started off kind of in the dumps for us. we are hoping that things start looking up soon. january started out pretty good actually. then pbs got sick and decided to share with js and me. why is it so difficult for a three year old to share normally but then they have no problem sharing their sickness? a run to the er and everything magically returned to normal for about a week.
we then found out we were expecting again. every time we find this out, we're cautiously excited and slowly tell people and ask for prayers. when you've been through as many miscarriages as we have, it's hard to be excited and happy. we told our parents and a few people at church but that was it. i had some cramping and spotting at five weeks. my obgyn had me come in for a blood test. my hormone levels had dropped by half what they were a few days earlier. my body was waiting for that news from the doctor so that it could move forward in the process, i think. i started bleeding within a couple hours of getting the news from my doctor.
so now we're trying to climb out of this dark hole that we've been dropped into again. i don't wish this on anyone. five miscarriages, nobody should have to go through this without knowing why and getting answers. so far we don't know why and we don't have any answers. we've been tested for many different things that could possibly cause miscarriages but the tests have all come back normal. it's frustrating to say the least. i hope that we can climb out of the darkness and maybe even be a light for others. that's my wish for this year, to be a light for others even when i feel trapped and stuck by the darkness.
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